No one really wants advice but it can help from those who have experienced loss.
I just want to say I wish I had been more practical and grounded when facing the loss and then deaths of my parents. I was an only child and carer. It sounds harsh to expect so much from oneself when facing the most catastrophic losses possible. And that is why I did things that were impractical.
But do not neglect practical matters. Think of yourself after the death. That is hard to do as their life is everything. But when they leave us we need stability and solidity. When I cared for them and had a job, I was all about being sensible.
But the tidal waves did finally hit, I drowned. Today, I am washed up and suffering because I could not put practical matters in the fore, and ahead of my love for them and wanting to do everything for them. And I put myself last and it was not wise. Putting oneself last is never wise.
As a female, it is harder to be cold and unemotional.
Money and housing and employment, etc., are all very real things and one should place these matters equally.
Hi @berit
Sound advice, but I can understand why it doesn’t always happen that way, we all need a source of stability, & sadly, no-matter how much we plan for the future, & no-matter how stable we think we are, fate sometimes has other ideas. You can’t blame yourself for putting family first, especially at a time when they need your support, I sense from that you have a big heart, & it does you credit on an emotional level of not a financial one.
The only thing I can say now, in true Disney fashion, is “keep moving forward”, your parents would not want you to wallow in self pity, they would want you to be happy, I know it’s hard to do when you’re grieving, but think, what do you want out of life, this is a new chapter of your life, but it hasn’t been written yet, when you look back on it in a year, 5 years, whatever, what do you want that chapter to say?
& remember, you can’t stop the waves, but you can learn to surf
