I recently lost a step son from a previous relationship.
He was only 20 years old and it was due to suicide.
I was with him from the age of 9-16.
We didn’t speak too much after that. Just every now again as my ex wasn’t keen on the idea of staying in contact.
I’m devastated and I’m really struggling. He was my first experience of being a mom and the only boy I’ve ever bought up.
We had a really close bond.
Since his death his birth mom (my ex) has reached out and we have had brief conversation about him and shared memories.
I currently live with my partner of 5 years - my two step daughters ages 17 and 8 and our daughter we had together through IVF who is almost 3.
I’m sad a lot and don’t have patience with things like I used to. I’m worried it’s having a huge impact on the rest of my life.
I just want to heal. Never forget about him. But I’m trying to live with the pain and it’s too much.
Its still early days for you, unfortunately this is not a quick journey to heal from, its not like a death of a parent, other relative, child bereavement is different, and add in suicide which brings up so many other unanswered questions. Glad you have been able to share some stories with his birth mum, i ve found everyone avoids talking about my son so its a very lonely journey with my thoughts. Take each day as it comes, and we are all here to talk, it helps getting our feelings out and knowing what I feel is normal