Its been 18weeks since i lost my husband and my girls ( grown up daughters) their dad. I cry still every day. It varies, sometimes i sob for hours, other times just a short burst. This week i have started my phased return to work, i do feel like ive been pressured into it a bit. Keep being told ’ ***was back at work 6 weeks after her husband died’. I dont know if i was really ready to go back, i know i have to, but i can just suddenly start crying and sometimes uncontrolled.
Does it ever get any easier, im normally so in control of things, so i find om fighting that too.
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Hi @JUE72
I am just 7 weeks into widowhood but have been off work since January when my husband had his first operation. ( he aged 56, me 52)
I too will need to think about returning to work at some point but at the moment I am not being pressured to return yet - in fact they are completely unsupportive and my boss doesn’t know what to do with me and my situation (even though I work in the nhs)
A phased return sounds like a good idea but they should not be comparing you with others - it is early days for you and we all have a different path to follow and some people find the structure of work helps while others don’t.
Can you ask for some adaptations to your working days/place/role to make it easier or have a “buddy” or a quiet place to go to when you need to cry.
Like you I used to manage lots of things just fine, but we are grieving not only the loss of our husbands, but of our future and our kids future with their dad also.
That is a lot to deal with for anyone. Just one day at a time.
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Hi roni52
My husband had just had his 54th birthday (6days before he passed) and i have just had my first birthday without him(52nd) . I too work for the nhs. Ive had meetings with them before going back. My pay was due to go to half pay as i had some time off before he passed and was ill in hospital. It may be just me with the way i feel, taking things personally, my feelings and emotions are so all over the place. I do feel they think i can turn my emotions off, but i cant and i dont think i will ever where my husband is concerned. Some days i think " yes i can do this" then othets im a blubbering wreck.
I hope when you do consider going back to work, they dont pressure you. Stand by your decisions and stay strong.
Take care. X
Everything you are describing sounds just like me. Every day is completely different and sometimes it is something really insignificant that can set me off.
I can’t imagine being able to work at the moment as I work with teenagers with mental health challenges so am in no position to be able to be a support to them at the moment.
Just see how it goes each day at work. I’ll be thinking of you and sending you strength x
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I don’t know if I’m right, but I suspect the NHS managers do not have much flexibility in cases like this. They are told what to do by “the book of rules” they are given.
The importance of this is that it’s not personal to you, blame the Ministry of Health.
@JUE72 @roni52
My partner passed away aged just 54 a week after his birthday, very suddenly in December last year. I was off work until last week when I returned on a phased return. I too felt pressured to return but also financially was worried as I was only on Statutory sick pay. I was a care home manager and had a very stressful responsible job which I coped with because my partner was so supportive in every way. I decided I couldn’t deal with this job any more so I have stepped form into a deputy manager job in a different home but the same company, it’s also nearer to home so I have less travelling. I really didn’t I could go back to work mentally but the pressure was on me with meetings with my boss. So I took this other job. I was dreading it but it wasn’t as bad as I thought and I think I coped ok. Still not sure if I will manage though. Good luck to you both xxx
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I feel exactly the same i work as a nurse in the provate sector and i am a complete nervous wreck. My husband passed 5 weeks ago tomorrow. But i only get statutory sick pay and feel pressured into going back due to finances. It’s just a living nightmare. Feel sorry for you all, its so hard xx
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