Still all over the place

So - five years this year that mom died. I finally sold mom and dad’s house six months ago. And since the sale my mind is a mess. It’s like my grieving only started then. Having the house to go back to kept them close - now I have to accept that they’ve really gone.

Feel guilty - I don’t care about the money - I never wanted to live there but how could I let the one thing go that was their dream.

Just want these feelings to go. There is no let up and I just can’t wait to join them. I’m not going to do anything drastic but I’m just counting the days. Does anyone else feel like this?

Hello @Allycott,

I’m so sorry for the loss of your parents. Thank you for sharing this with us. I’m just giving your thread a gentle, “bump” for you - hopefully someone will have some thoughts to share.

Take good care,
Alex

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Hi Allycot,
Like you I sold my mum’s house. I waited 2 years before selling it. I honestly didn’t want to but as the executor of her will I had no choice other than buy my brother and sister out. I was never going to live in the house either and it was my childhood home.
I had decided that I was never going to let it either so as it was approx 40 miles from where I live I was constantly worried someone would break in and I would be faced with that.
In the end it sold and like you I was devastated as I lost the place where I felt the closest to my mum. Even going there without her there was better than nothing and all of a sudden I faced myself like you without it
Before my mum passed she told me to sell the house and not keep it as a shrine or because I wanted to be near her . She told me to hang onto it until I was ready and to go there as often as I wanted but to eventually sell it. She told me she would be with me wherever I went and wouldn’t be at the house anymore. She was adamant her spirit would be with me wherever I would be and she was right. I have felt her presence through signs.
I have kept almost everything from her house. Furniture, clothes and plants so everywhere I look I think of her. For now it’s the next best thing to having her here with me.
I too felt like you did and had wanted to join my mum but I know my mum would have been so cross with me for thinking like that. She was 89 when she died , extremely alert, smart and had a zest for life that outweighs anything I can possibly describe.
Because of what she instilled in me I am going to try so hard to live my life not just for myself but for her too. We did everything together so whatever I go I will do with her. It’s just she’s in a different dimension but still very much with me. That’s the way I am thinking anyway.
I hope you find the strength to carry on.
Sending love
Deborah

Thanks for this Deborah - your experience is so similar to mine. I can take some strength from your words.

I did same. now i wished i had not but no way i thought i could reside in there after they were gone. not uncommon. but now i wished i had it back, to go “home.”

God yes. I long to walk down the garden and smell the cut grass and flowers my dad planted.

I really don’t want to be here for another 20 years - so alone.

Hi Allycot,
Aww even if just a tiny bit of what I wrote helps you that will be a good thing.
Keep going because you yourself are worth carrying on for. Your mum is doing everything she can I am sure to urge you on.
Keep posting ok. You will gain so much love and support on here
Sending a big Welsh hug to you x
Deborah x

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Thanks so much for your wishes. I am a fan of north Wales x

Hi Ally cott,
I live in west Wales in Pembrokeshire but I absolutely love North Wales too.
How are you today ?
Deborah x