Still feeling like I’m in a black hole

I wrote on here 3 months ago when I lost my husband suddenly. I received lovely kind messages. I can’t believe that three months have passed. Spring is here and I feel so sad and alone. I keep crying and try not to see anybody as I think it’s unfair to put them through it. I’m no company so avoid everything I’m invited to. I’ve started back at work and just want to be at home I’m putting on weight as I’ve just stopped doing anything else and could eat the fridge every evening. I only keep going as I have an 18yr old son and I definitely don’t let him know how I feel as he is grieving himself. Luckily at that age they have lots of other things to distract them but I don’t. I just think about my husband and go over his death in my head. I’m sorry to vent to you all but I feel like I can open up to how I’m feeling. You’re a lovely supportive group. I just cannot see a day that I’m going to feel better

Hello Jureid, it’s 3months for me too, but it could be 3 days or 3 years.It seems forever since I saw him and spoke to him. I am accepting invites even if I don’t want to go if only just to pass the long hours when I feel so alone and I sit and go over the last week of his life when he was ill.
You are right it’s so difficult to deal with this lovely weather when you see older couples walking along holding hands, but the I felt the same in Winter just after he died.
I am so glad I found this group
My best wishes to you

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Thank you so much for your reply. I really appreciate that. I too am very grateful for this group. Best wishes to you too x

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Hi my partner died 6 weeks ago and I’m struggling to cope without her, the pain is so unbearable without her, I can’t believe it and imagine my life without her, she was my world, my life, and I miss her so much, words cat express how much I love her and miss her

For me it hasn’t and will never get any better. 16 month’s on and it’s as devastating as the day my wonderful beautiful wife was taken from me. There is only one place left for me now, you’ve got it in one.

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I feel the same pain. I can’t imagine how this is going to change. The loneliness and missing them is going to always be there. I didn’t want a life without my husband. He was always there. We were a couple. I feel cheated that this has happened. I just cry and keep getting through the days for the sake of my son.

Juried,it’s lovely to hear from you again .theres no time,day,hours ,it’s going to be easy .like me ,yesterday was 9.months my husband passed away ,I broke down ,couldn’t stop crying ,I felt the same ,did I do my best ,was it my fault,it should had been me as he loved life,he was the happy loving man ,everything went fast in my head ,it made me sick ,vom int ,my head was spinning ,I was bad.My DAUGTHERS was low as well as I didn’t know that they were feeling the same until my youngiest rang to see how I was.I was broken to bits ,They both came to me and sat ,we cried and we all spoke together,we all felt the same .My youngiest said she would stay over…The pain ,getting harder ,and harder.There is no answer or time to heal ,just to hold on to each other for support .To what we have .our Children .

Sorry I have words missing as I’m not 100% .

I completely understand how you feel. I too go over my husband’s sudden death and ask if I could have done something to prevent it. One of his doctor’s told me I could have/ should have done things. This makes me feel that I wasn’t a good wife to a man whom I loved dearly. I too have turned to food. I think your reaction is normal. Gosh I don’t know what normal is anymore. However, I do know that we should not allow too many bad memories or other people’s opinions to get to us. I know my husband knew how much I loved him. It took my 27 year old son to convince me of that. We want to protect our children and your child is still fairly young. But I’m a firm believer in honesty. It’s the amount/degree of information we reveal. I have cried with my boys who are all in their twenties. I really think this is healing for all of us. They never bring up the subject of feelings. I do… I don’t want them to run away from our feelings of emptiness and deep deep sadness. To move on and to cope in the future, I believe this is a necessary cost. I’m a smoker. I shouldn’t do it. My boys hate it. But now is not the time to stop. I will in the future. I’m certain. But we are only human. All this suffering, unfortunately is right. It’s a massive thing that causes massive and desperate feelings of loss. I was the bravest woman alive my husband used to say. Now I feel so vulnerable, checking windows and doors each night. Losing such a precious part of our lives is bound to be acutely painful. But Oh so difficult to cope with. I live one day at a time. Some days I don’t even get changed out of my pyjamas. I forgive myself. Thinking too far ahead is too painful. Just get through one hour/day at a time. I can really connect with your pain. x

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Yes that’s good feedback ,One day at the time .xxx.

Hello, I can relate to everything you have written, it just feels too hard to deal with. Its now 17 months for me since my dear husband passed. He was my world and I miss him every minute of every day.
The heartache you feel at 3 months is raw, I can recall it clearly. Life is never going to be the same, but I feel you do learn to live with it. At least that is what has happened to me. I have pushed through doing things I have absolutely no interest in doing, going to places, seeing people, I have accepted most everything anyone has asked me to do. I exhausted myself really, but it did get me through all those lonely hours.
I’m now a bit more selective as time goes on, and don’t say “yes” to everything. I allow myself a little time alone, something I just couldn’t cope with in the early days.
I’m hoping you will find the strength to accept some invites, people do understand how you are feeling, they are trying to help you and its worth a try, it may get you through a few lonely hours and give you a bit of love to cope with what you are going through. Thinking about you and sending you a big “hug” . Elaine x

Thank you so much for your reply. It really helps. Just knowing there are other people going through this and feeling these feelings is comforting in some ways as otherwise I would feel like I’m going mad and nobody else understands. I cry for any reason. I met someone today and she just jumped out of her car ran towards me and gave me a huge hug. I cried a bit but I was so grateful. I just feel like sometimes that’s all I need. A hug and some kind words. Thank you so much. Julie x

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Hi Julie ~ You sound such a lovely, genuine person ~ and I think you are right, kind words and a hug is worth so much. Take care of yourself x

Thank you so much for your reply. How cruel of any doctor to say those things to you. Please do not listen. I can tell from your message you gave your husband so much love and you should never think otherwise. Thank you again for your lovely words. Julie x

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Thank you so much for your kind words. How lucky we are to have this group… people that understand us and don’t judge us for our feelings in this awful situation we have all found ourselves in. Sending you love and best wishes. Julie x

Thank you so much for your kind words. How lucky we are to have this group… people that understand us and don’t judge us for our feelings in this awful situation we have all found ourselves in. Sending you love and best wishes. Julie x

Your welcome ,as you said we are all helping each other,no judgement but understanding each other’s pain ,my prays and love to you ,hoping tomorrow will be a brighter day .God bless.xx

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