Still grieving after 3 years

My mum died in summer 2018 but I still miss her terribly every day. She had experienced some poor health but seemed to be getting much better and was in the process of moving to be near me (my dad died 9 years previously and the house was getting too much for her) when she felt unwell. Two days later she was diagnosed with leukaemia and she died only two days after that. She was my best friend as well as a wonderful mum, and it was as though the bottom had fallen out of my world. My aunt and a couple of friends were really supportive, especially in the first few months, but as time has gone on they all seem to think that I should ‘get over’ it. The grief is certainly less raw and not as constant, and I have tried to rebuild my life, including adopting two cats and taking up gardening. However, sometimes I still fall apart. Triggers such as loosing a friend and my uncle within days of each other last autumn are obvious, but sometimes it’s the slightest thing. With so many people having lost loved ones during the pandemic, often in traumatic circumstances, it seems selfish to admit to how I’m feeling or to ask for help, but sometimes I revert to the initial thoughts of not seeing any purpose of carrying on. I know my mum wouldn’t want me to be feeling this way either. Posting here is the nearest I can get to telling someone,

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So sorry for your loss.

As is often said on here, there really isn’t any time limit on grief and there isn’t anyone like your mum either. Mine was my best friend too. Will be a year in November.

All the best.

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EAN, grieving is a personal thing and it knows no limits or time scale and yes things keep coming back and biting us when we least expect it.I am further down this road of grieving but it still catches me out and I am just a dollop of jelly.
If you think it’s to much for you may I suggest you look at counselling, either from Sue Ryder or Cruse both are excellent and free. It’s not easy dealing with grief, my heart goes out to you. Take care of yourself. Sxx

Thank you Caro1959, that means a lot. So sorry for your loss too

Thank you Susie123, much appreciated and reassuring to know I’m not alone. Take care of yourself too E x

Hello . I lost my mum almost 2 years ago, and my dad 2 months ago.

I looked after both of them at end of life. It’s been a very tough and very traumatic time.

I was also very close to my mum and have struggled to cope emotionally without her. The first few months were awful and at times I thought I was losing my mind .

I think time helps a bit. But the things that are helping me are a) celebrating both my parents by actively enjoying things I know they would also enjoy or have been keen to hear about in my life. That keeps the memory of what they did for me and my positive relationship with then present. I have also framed a coupe of their sayings and nice photos and have them up in my house to keep them around in a new way. b) being proactive about my own wellbeing. Something I’ve probably not done before. You need to find what works for you. Exercise, long baths and meditation help me. C) allowing yourself to be sad. But not letting it go on indefinitely . I still get days I well up constantly and I now accept it, take it easy, but try to also not let it run on and on.

Finally, I’ve tried hard to remember that being sad and being happy are sometimes not mutually exclusive. You can allow yourself to feel upset and sad but still have exciting plans hopes and aspirations. Its a strange mix to navigate but you need to accept this is a new reality and nothing will really be the same. But it still can be good. And wouldn’t your mum want that?

Hope that helps a bit.

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