Still grieving for my mum

My mum died November 2015 over a year ago but I still can’t let go and move on I lived with my mum and we did everything together I was also her carer so a huge hole has been left in my life,
I have attempted suicide a few times as I feel there is no life without her it feels like she was my whole life and now I have no purpose I just don’t know how to get up and start a day without her.

Hi Ellie im very sorry for your loss and welcome to this special club where you find people understand ,Have you seen your gp or spoke to the Samaritans or anyform of counselling (i have counselling )i definitely understand the caring side i was my wifes carer for 8 years (04032016 she passed away .Dont be stranger keep in touch .You dont want to rant on ?no such thing on here just say how you feel Colin (57)

Thanks yes I think I just need to rant and get it out as there really isn’t any where else I can do it.
I have been to my gp I am on anti depressants and I had some counselling from cruse iv only just found this site and so far it’s been very helpful reading what people have written a lot of it is how I’m feeling or what iv been through and already I feel like I’m not the only one feeling like this I’m 33 and not many of my close friends have lost parents yet so they don’t get it.

Hi Ellieskye,

I’m so sorry to hear about the death of your mum. A year is not that to move on from the loss of someone that close, especially as you were her carer, which often becomes a big part of your sense of purpose and identity.

Colin has already give you some good suggestions, and I am glad to see that you have found it helpful to read other people’s experiences on here. Feel free to reply to other conversations if there are people you’d like to talk to. For example, here are two users called Heartbroken and Mel talking about what it is like to lose a parent: https://support.sueryder.org/community/coping-death-loved-one/daddys-girl

I’m very sorry to hear that you have attempted suicide before - did you get any support following these attempts, and do you have a crisis plan in place?

Well done on seeing your GP and seeking out support - it sounds as though you have taken some important steps.The Samaritans are always there 24/7 if you need to talk about anything that’s bothering you (116 123, or jo@samaritans.org).

Hello Ellieskye

I am so sorry to see about your Mum but glad you have had a response already from Colin, a wise person who gives good advice on this forum. Please follow his suggestions, i hate to hear you have been so low and depressed.

Like you i cared for my Mum until her passing away five months ago. I have a Mum shaped hole in my life and find it very hard to keep going. Fortunately one of Mum’s friends took me under her wing initially and that helped immensely but i feel i must not bother her constantly so am battling along more or less alone now.

I lost my Dad very suddenly at 32 over 20 years ago. I can still remember how awful that felt. And yes there were few people who had experienced that so it was dreadful. If I hadn’t had my wonderful strong Mum I really don’t know what I would have done. Now it has happened again only with my Mum this time and I don’t have her here to help and comfort me.

I can only say keep coming on here, there are always people here who know how hard it is. Take each day as it comes. Going to bed is the best part of the day for me, being able to turn the light off and not have to put up a front for anyone for a few hours.

Hugs
Mel
Xx

Hi Mel thanks for the reply yes I get the going to bed part I wish I could stay there 24/7 x

Hi Ellieskye do you give yourself some quality me time .Things only you like i try at least 1 a day to treat myserlf ie a cake watching a video or maybe watching funny stuff on youtube .Music i dont do because of the words .I try on a daily basis to avoid the nightmare I may sound brutal i dont wish to .But when like you my world is turned upside down and inside i cant help the way i talk .If i offend im very sorry im only trying to help Colin

Colin I’m not offended it’s good advice today I’m going to try have an afternoon just me watching a movie with some treats and try to focus on the film as usually i lose interest and revert back to thinking about my mum x

Hi, I am new on here my names Sam. I lost my mom on the 6/1/2017 she was 73 years old. I still can’t believe it. That she is gone. It happened so fast and we didn’t even see it coming. She’d been ok since October then she had a fall and hurt her knee so we took her to hospital. There she was checked over and sent home. Then in November she was pegging washing out and we thought she had a stroke! So up A&E again then as she was in there they did a ct scan on her brain and an MRI on her whole body. That was when we was told she had a lesion to the brain plus that had found cancer in her lungs, liver, kidneys. Lymph glands. So she had decided to have Radiotherapy and chemotherapy which took a toll on her she was fighting so hard but she caught an infection on her lungs so she was put in isolation so no one could see her. They called us in and said we had 24hrs round the clock visiting. Then on 6/1/2017 she fell asleep peacefully. I just can’t believe it we are all in shock… I miss her so much she was my rock! If I needed to call her she was always there!! So lost.x

Hi Sammy im very sorry for your loss have you seen your gp (medication helps i take it ) do you have family to turn to ? take it day by day .If you dont need to focus then dont .you need sleep if you cant gp should help i and others are ok with private messaged the offer is there dont suffer alone Colin (57)

Hi Sam

I cried for you when i read your message. The same as my Mum, collapsed after having what we thought was an infection and was discovered she had lesions on her brain, secondaries from the cancer she had a few years ago. My mum was told there was nothing to be done. I was with her when the consultants told her and it broke my heart for a second time. The first time I was with her also when she was told the cancer was back. I had to watch her going downhill knowing nothing could be done and it was awful.

I feel for you so deeply and can only say take all the help offered here from wise people.

Mel
Xx

Hi Mel and Colin p, Thank you so much for your kind messages.The past week or so has been so hard just have to keep thinking my mom is not in any pain anymore. So sorry to hear about your mom Mel. It’s so hard to explain how you feel about losing a parent and I have lost both of mine. My pops died 6 years ago of a heart Attack that was so sudden. Now lost my mom. But I know they are both happy together. My mom was missing my dad when he died and said I can’t wait to be with him. Sam x

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