Still grieving

I lost my husband of 40 years in april 2020 due to covid and the loss comes in horrible waves. Its as painful as the day i lost him. We had just both turned 60
I said becareful and see you later as he walked to the ambulance. Within 36 hours he was dead. I saw him at the hospital as they called me. I couldnt stay with him. I couldnt kiss him ,comfort him nothing. We have 4 children and 2 granddaughters i had to tell. As everything was in lockdown i had to do all the arrangements on line. The funeral was the the worst day ever only 5 mourners unable to sit next to or comfort each other. I couldnt even let him wear his own clothes as they were not able to undo the body bag.
I had lost my mom 12 weeks before to lung cancer and i was still mourning her passing.
It was horrendous and still is. My mental health has gone through the wringer. I tried to see my doctor (impossible) the doctors mental health nurse called me yesterday just told me to talk to my family and get in touch with cruse berevement as i have “lots to talk about” the call lasted 4 minutes with me in floods of tears. To say I’m struggling is putting it lightly but does it ever get better

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I am so sorry for your losses your words had me in tears puts the loss of my wife 2 years ago in the shade i really feel for you sending you hugs and kisses xx

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