Still had to moan...

Just looking at my printout of my hairdresser I used, looking at a piece of paper inside the folder giving my last appointment whilst I was remembering that Richard had chosen a different place to park on that morning, he thought the distance would be nearer ( the hairdresser was situated in a pedestrian only walkway, well it was-is now, at one time we could park the car opposite in a disabled bay, but they had other ideas to pedestrianise it ) well on this walk I kept moaning, kept on at Richard about where we was, I had no Idea where I was going, the gravel pathway for me was not easy to walk on with my rollator ( my MS) I had to be moaning all the way, even when I got to the salon door, and my hairdresser came to open it and greet me…When Richard came back to collect me, he had done a small supermarket shop near to the square where he had parked the car, well he had now moved the car and brought it nearer, to the place I thought he was going to park it in the first place…At this time I had no Idea two days later Richard would be dead, he would die whilst sitting in his armchair, Oh I knew he was suffering with his breathin on that hairdresser day but still had no clue as how little time he had left…I have had another cry as I go back to this day 9th April, and thoroughtly regret how I had treated him, he thought the walk would be shorter, it wasn’t, and I told him so at the time, I had moaned from the car to the moaned shop only to be told by my hairdresser that in future he can drop me off outside the door next time he brings me…well little did i realise, there wont be a next time…

Oh Jackie , please don’t beat yourself up over it, we’re all human, your mind is just overthinking, I too have moaned to my husband that he could have helped himself more, he suffered with COPD, I have focused on the wonderful memories we had together, after all he must have listened to you to move the car closer and do a shop too, that is really thoughtful. He loved you to do that just remember.

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