I’m struggling a lot with thoughts that I don’t want to be here and I want to die. I haven’t managed to get out of bed and it’s 3pm and I’ve not eaten yet. I don’t think I’m helping myself. I’m just crying, smoking and drinking tea.
Ten weeks ago I was exercising 4/5 times a week and eating well and didn’t smoke. Nothing seems worth it anymore.
I don’t have any close friends really.
My sister says she’s there for me via text but when it comes to real life she isn’t really, I feel she’s all talk. I asked if we can go for coffee, we were supposed to meet and she cancelled half an hour before because she was too tired and needed a nap. My parents have been really good but I’ve not seen them in a couple of weeks. They’re not super close by. I’m so lonely and I wish I were dead.
I think I should eat something but I’ve not really got anything in and the thought of going out is a bit much.
Hi Octopus,
I drop into that deep dark hole on a regular basis,
My two abiding factors are,first my wife will want me to join her when it’s my time,
And second my kids and grandkids would like me around for a bit longer,
They have also been through enough,
It’s really a terrible time for all of us,
I know it’s difficult but I force myself into doing things,
I posted earlier about logs,I have finally done some thanks to a post by Vancouver,
Be as strong as you can people do care.
Lots of love and strength.
Ron.
Thanks @Ron11 I am sorry to hear you lost your wife. I wouldn’t want to hurt my parents by acting on these thoughts but I also feel I’ve got no one to love. The person I loved is gone. I’m sure many will feel like this.
I’ll try to push myself to do something today. Even if it’s a bit of tidying up and a wee walk. It’s quite sunny. I’ll have a look for your post about logs. Thank you x
Hi @Octopus11 I am sorry to hear of your loss, the early days/weeks are truly awful, the feelings of loss, loneliness and desperation are overwhelming along with having no incentive, no reason to do anything, I was there 5 months ago when I lost my wife, when I did start to think about what was happening I realised that just sitting (or lying in bed) thinking, going over things was not helping, that’s an easy thing to say now but you really must force yourself to do the mundane tasks of getting up, try to look after yourself, eat anything, it doesn’t have to be complicated or even good for you, just try and eat, I made a promise to myself that if I was ruminating on my thoughts I would try and stop, it’s not a case that you stop thinking of the person or circumstances of the one you lost, that’s not going to happen but chewing it over and over just sends you into a further downward spiral, once, as people often say, you start to be kind to yourself, looking after yourself, doing necessary things you will start to move forward and believe me it’s better than being in that horrible dark hole.
Take care and try to give it a go.
Yeh course we can ! Theres just nothing good about any of this … its bloody tough and so bloody hard … i dunno what to say really but just take it hour by hour and try to just do little jobs if you can ? X
Thank you, @swift@Deb5 I’m going to just try and do my best to just get going and do what I can as you say. I have a hello fresh delivery coming tomorrow, just easy to make meals, so that should help a bit. Next time I find myself wallowing I’ll try to get up and do something. Thanks for the supportive messages. X