Am I daft? 7 months in and still in denial (sort of) just cant believe he not coming back!! Keep re-living run up to death and actual event over and over! Am I overthinking or is this normal? Thought it would be receding a bit after 7 months!! xx
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Hi @Cynthonia
I’m not quite as far on as you, I’m 18 weeks in.
But I feel exactly how you have descibed.
The disbelief, although I was with Roger when he died. The feeling it was all a mistake and the re-living, day by day, minute by minute, the whole of the last 5 days in the hospice.
It’s relentless and it hurts so very much.
So I guess it’s normal.
Big hugs
Liz x
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Thanks Liz! needed to hear that! Sorry for your loss too! Yes, myself and eldest son were with Tony when he died (in hospital) and saw him laid flat and lifeless!! So weird, one minute unconscious but alive, next minute lifeless and dead! awful isnt it? sending love xx
Thankyou
I’m in tears again because my brain insists on going over it again.
It’s incessant isn’t it
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I know what you mean. I’m 8 months in now. The police came to tell me he’d died, and I replay that moment over and over; it’s like I’m trying to convince myself it really did happen. My head knows he’s gone, but my heart still expects him to be coming home one day. Maybe that’s a good thing, as it shields you from what’s unbearable.
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It really is! And its a journey that we have to go through I’m afraid! I envy those who can cry cos I just cant - havent cried for years! Just have a knot in my stomach most of the time and the feeling of a gaping hole! life will never be the same again! We will learn to cope eventually but the scar will remain! We are not alone! God Bless xx
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You are not daft.
I still cannot understand how I can believe that my lovely husband who was my life for nearly 50 years is not here with me.
It is too enormous and devastating.
Sending you love and hugs,
Rose xx
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It really is Rose - painful beyond words! We were married 57 years and although in hindsight Tony was dying from cancer, we were not prepared for the speed of his decline and subsequent death! It was such a shock but we have to endure the pain together! sending love x
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Hi Cynthonia i totally understand how you are feeling. I lost my husband at the end of December and was with him when he died. I too relive those moments every night. The last 6 months of his life were truly horrendous and although I knew he was going to die I’m still in shock that he did. I think its now starting to hit me as I cant stop crying and cannot motivate myself to do anything. I’m still in disbelief that he is not here anymore. Sending hugs 
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Thank you Magpie and alll. Really emphasise with all! My goodness its hard! Last night I thought why are we putting ourselves through this re-living? After all they are gone now and never have to re-live the nightmare thenselves!!! But we just cant help it! Part of the process I guess! Tony died December 13th last year from cancer and we had 15 dreadful minutes of air hunger before he became unconscious and passed away three hours later!!! (at least I hope and pray he was unconscious!) We are all in this together and support and virtual love sooooo appreciated. God bless you all xx
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Hi @Cynthonia sorry for your loss. I still find it hard to believe that it has happened and that he is not coming back and it is nearly 28 months since he died. Big hig.x
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It really is an horrendous journey we going through! For me, as time goes on, Tony seens to be moving further away and I dont like that! Anyone else feel the same! Positive for me (but not for you you nger ones) is that being older I wont have a long widowhood!!! Got to make the best of every day and as Tony would say “Enjoy Every Minute”! easier said than done though!! xx