Hi all, my brother Ted will have been gone two years in July. His death was sudden, unexpected. He had been diagnosed with MND about 15 months before, we knew the outcome, he had deteriorated over the time but was still active, and full of beans, always upbeat and his usual comedic self. But he caught a cold, which turned into pneumonia and was taken into hospital because of his weakened immune system . With hours of admittance he was gone. No chance to say goodbye( he lived a 100 miles or so away, but his kids got to say their goodbyes) He was 54 years old. I was the eldest of three, he was the middle, always up to no good as a kid, awful joke telling and a laugh that you would recognise blindfolded in a crowded room. So now there’s this void where he should be, where his presence is no more, my elderly parents are lost, my dad had dementia, and sees his picture on the wall and every time just says “ I miss him” and it breaks me every time. I have the same picture on my wall, can see it as I write this smiling down on me dressed like a Peaky Blinder , I say good morning to him everyday. The hurst of him gone is like a knot in my heart. It’s true what they say about grief, it can hit you like a lest hook out of nowhere, when u least expect it, like today, it’s my other brothers birthday today, so they both on my mind, the knot just a little tighter today. I know if he hadn’t of passed when he did, he most likely would have died by now. The prognosis is usually between 2-5 years from diagnosis( because it takes so long to diagnose in the first place) . But I feel cheated , cheated out of what could have possibly been another year, but that’s also selfish because what life would he have had. So I have all these mixed emotions, because I miss him like crazy, but I didn’t want him to suffer, and he had started to, and I think he went in the way he wanted to, because he didn’t want us to see him suffer, which he knew was coming. So here I am hoping that I’m not the only one on here feeling like a biatch cos of wanting him still be here but not. If you know what I mean.
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Hello @Sassenach,
Thank you for so bravely reaching out to the community. I am so sorry for the loss of your brother. It sounds like you are feeling so many mixed emotions, which is completely understandable.
You are not alone. We have many members who have experienced the loss of a sibling and will understand some of what you’re going through. You can read conversations our members have shared on our Losing a sibling category page.
You may also find it helpful to read our Losing a sibling page on our website. It talks you through some of what you might be feeling, and how to cope.
I hope you find the community to be a support to you. Take good care 
Alex