After 8 years fighting cancer, my mum passed away from covid 2 years ago. Just wanted to know if there’s any sort of time that it becomes manageable. I took care of her through her cancer and still feel so guilty that I wheeled her into hospital knowing covid was a danger there besides docs telling me she would be safe. I also still feel guilty the last time I saw her was via a video call. They said my dad and myself could go and say goodbye but we had to keep distance. My dad was afraid and vunerable so couldn’t go in. I know if I went in I would’ve hugged her and not let go but we left her there to die on her own. I go over it again and again in my head the fear she must’ve felt lying in that bed. I just miss her so much.
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Hi @Jad,
Thank you so much for sharing this with the community 
I’m so sorry for the loss of your mum.
You’ve asked if there’s any time when grief becomes manageable. Hopefully someone be will along to share their experiences but you might find our support page, “How long does grief last?” helpful or comforting to read. It sounds like, although your mum had been ill with cancer, her death from Covid was unexpected and that must have been very difficult. Many of our members lost loved ones during the pandemic and will understand some of your feelings of guilt at not being able to say goodbye. Do you think it would be helpful to have a space to talk through these feelings? If you’re interested in counselling, we offer free sessions at Sue Ryder. You can also make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or other support services in your area.
Thank you again for reaching out - I just wanted to let you know that you have been heard and you are not alone.
Take good care,
Seaneen