Still so lost

It’s been 6 months since lost my beautiful wife at the young age of 46 she has been poorly for 8 years and I was her full-time carer
My life had changed so much in the time since I have a new job and trying to build a life again without her but the pain of her not being here is getting to much to live with I to be strong to show our 3 children that life does go on ( they are not young ranging between 15 and 23)
But having to do this is taking its toll on me i seem to be sinking further and further into a black hole and the fight to carry on takes more effert everyday
I try to make plans for the future but Everytime I do this it comes all the way back around to guilt again that I get to do this when she cannot
Life is not fair and I am beginning to wonder what the point is


Hi, you are such a brave person, only 6 months since your beautiful wife went and you have done so much in that short time, you are not only brave but a very strong character. Please don’t think otherwise, your three children should be very proud of you.
Six months is still early days and perhaps if you feel that things are getting to much then thinking of a little help from a counsellor may help, It’s just a thought but knowing how well you have dealt with everything so far, well it’s your decision.
We all have days that seem endless and big black holes open up, they will continue and just when you think you have it under control it reappears but we fight it. I will add the web addresses for both Sue Ryder and Cruse, they both off free services. We are always here for you and there are many men on here how are in similar circumstances. Look after those three children and take care of yourself which is more important. S xx


It’s so hard to be act like we are ok and keep on with our lives when all we want is our partner back and our lives to be the same

1 Like

I expect 6 months is too early to 'move on ’ . You need to empty your sac as the French would say. In other words do a lot of crying and grieving before you move improve.
It’s a black hole you have to go through before you recover. The children will be grieving too. On the positive side you are young and have plenty of time and life left to live. I was 46 when I was first widowed. Later, I met my second husband , the 2nd love of my life.
Give yourself time to grieve



So true !!

June my wife was finally diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis 20 years on from first evidence of it. The tests were better MRI’s were available. It hit June very hard. There is no cure and June was never offered much in the way of meds. June got on with it however toward the end of her life her MS was noticeably deteriorating. June had a very strong character and steadfastly refused any type of walking aid. If we went out June would hold my hand to steady herself. Before Covid her main exercise was pushing a shopping trolley round shops. That of course ended when lockdown came. We were both very careful. June always took the advice of her Professor of Neurology the less you put into your body the better you will be’. We were not at work for four years after her diagnosis. We had no family. Personally I was doing work which if I had not given complete attention to it I and others would have been seriously injured or even killed. It took my mind off the situation while at work. We both retired young at the same time. Eight years in June was diagnosed with Cancer. I went to bits. June described it as ‘a blip’. Major surgery resulted and June survived the 5 year checks. June passed in front of me sat in her kitchen chair. It was as if someone switched the light off. June was on the phone one second then gone. I witnessed the whole thing cuddled her until she stopped breathing. Did cpr until the paramedics came. They tried but could not save her. It was her heart previously undiagnosed. Did I do cpr correctly. I had done training years ago but was I forceful enough. Had June been brought back would she have woken up more disabled. Would she have had more brain damage on top of her MS. Would June have stood on her feet again. All questions I cannot answer and never will until we hopefully meet again in the next life. Married nearly 44 years we were inseparable. June was 66 years. It’s been said that if it had happened to me June would have had of course had to face what I have. I would not have wanted that to happen even though June was so much stronger than me mentally (qualified Nurse with decades of experience). It would have been so difficult for her physically too to deal with. It’s only been six weeks the worst time of my life. I am struggling and on medication which is completely new for me. I sleep as much as I can have lost over 2 st in weight. I have no interest in anything. I really have to push myself to get out or even look after myself. I have asked for help but it only helps so much. I have sobbed in front of people and over the phone but unless you are going through this trauma no one knows. I have seen unpleasant sights in my working life but what happened to June keeps replaying in my mind over and over again. I wonder now whether PTSD is my problem. Sorry for the long post