I lost my beautiful beautiful wife Tina 22/02/2022 some say a memorable day yes I guess but for the wrong reasons I lost my lady in horrific circumstances when my young granddaughter woke me saying nana won’t wake up my world was completely turned upside down inside out & all the rest. I rang 999 my wife is not breathing ( only 55 years young) can you do chest pressing I said I will try as never done this. Pushing down while lady speaking to me each push pushed spurts of blood out of Tina’s nose and mouth blood was spraying everywhere plus like foamy stuff I told the lady nothing is working she said keep going help is nearly with you. Thankfully my grandchildren had opened the door 4 responders came and said we have her now what’s her name Tina she is my wife please help there is bleeding everywhere its OK please go into the room let us work with Tina. Not 2 minutes later all 4 came in I am so sorry Glen but Tina had already gone you did all you could unfortunately it was too late for us to save Tina as most likely she has passed in the night. BOOM my life implodes how do I tell a mother that her first born daughter has died how we was laughing at 01.00 then 06.30 she was gone. I make the call one what noone should ever have to make to hear a grown woman a mother grandmother widow great grandma mother in law lovely lady completely break down before I knew it police was here my daughter Tina’s mam and her brother I rang my dad as I just can’t get my head around it all. I can’t get hold of my son but his wife comes up arrangements are made so people can take our grandchildren away from this huge disaster unfolding eventually my son comes we go in to see my lady yet we not allowed to touch police orders undertaker comes I asked can we ASAP see Tina clean in the Chapel of rest instead of covered in blood. Yes he said Tina will be cared for also we need to find out why she passed as at just 55 sudden death needs looking at. I will ring you when Tina is back it will be about 8 days more people came the day never seamed to end the deep pit of emptyness filled me after being physically sick. People making tea coffee tales of my lady some family you not seen in years turn up for the nosey but it’s not the place or time to kick off. Then I get taken into the kitchen by my mum in law Tina’s mam in grief I apologise to her as I feel so so guilty as usually I’m awake through the night due to being severely disabled but had taken meds so slept a tad bit more than usual she said Glen why did you not tell me she was so so poorly I would have come down but Tina was not that poorly she was on back end of long covid just started to eat better. So I’m to blame for in laws not being told about Tina’s illness but it was not that bad. Eventually everyone went except my son Jonathan he said if it’s OK I will stop with you dad so your not alone I have you. What a thoughtful man it buzzed me with pride that Tina & I had done things right. We had a drink I could not eat nor sleep.
The emptyness is deafening the loss feeling like a punch in the tummy feeling sick all the time. Days go by weeks its a blur phonecall it’s funeral Place we have lost your wife we are trying to locate her we will ring you when we have success. 15 weeks later we found your wife in a big warehouse in Leeds but that’s the good news the bad news is that Tina has degraded to such a state that you can not see her physically it’s a closed coffin. Not what I wanted not what I needed as everyday for 37 years loads of times touching Tina’s face her hair her back holding hands cuddles kissing. A few year before my mam died in my arms when she was in the Chapel she looked asleep it helped with the grieving process but we can’t even see her. My daughter and son picked up the case got some sort of compensation which was basically useless to me as I needed my lady. Then in that time my mother in law dropped dead I think it just broke her with them losing my lady Tina her daughter not seeing her not cuddling her not touching her hair. So to say the brother sister of my good lady threw dummy out so it went hostile banned from mum in laws funeral also to see her in Chapel even though my son daughter it’s there grandma my grandchildren did pictures for there great grandma for her to go to heaven with to show nana my good lady. Day of funeral I said no after party due to the tention plus their blame game its my fault there mams dead. They did there best to cause disruption at the funeral crematorium but we walked away as it takes two to argue. Got three weeks after that of crappy phone calls but not needing to be mensa material to work out who it is who is swearing down phone but line in sand live & let live crack on see ya. Our son and some of the grandchildren stopping over for company which was nice but feeling of existing not living its still the same I cry other day at a shopping mall a lady went past me wearing Tina’s perfume crying my eyes out I’m not sleeping my eating pattern is all over place I have panic attacks stress anxiety Dr says I have ptsd having to deal with this I am still awaiting councilling I’m on medication yet it does very little many times I can’t function can’t get out of my house. Each time I go to Dr’s always something new I try to make light of it saying if this was health bingo I would only need to get aids for a full house as I rattle with pills my disabilities have degenerated massively I’m just so so lost empty everyone seams to h Ave moved forward but me I’m just empty I don’t know how to move forward as I miss Tina more than words can say. I know I am not alone but I feel alone
Me and my lady she was always a jolly person. Love and miss her so so much.
all I can say is remember the good times don’t let people put you down you’re suffering enough try to start looking after yourself and keep posting x