Still struggling after 11 years

Hi I lost my mum 11 years ago and I’m still struggling so much especially at the time where we would of had good times like Christmas, I’m struggling to listen to Christmas songs without crying and Christmas Day I have her on my mind constantly and struggle to get through the day without breaking down. I have two children who are 11 and 7 and i want to try make the day a good one like my mum did for me and my brother but it is so hard. It seems that the more time goes on the more upset I’m getting. I was 6 months pregnant when she died so I don’t think I’ve ever really had time to grieve properly. I just wondered if anybody else has been in this situation and if it’s still normal to be grieving like this after 11 years and if anybody knows anything that may help me. Thanks for reading

Hi gemgems92,

Welcome to the Sue Ryder Online Community. I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your mum 11 years ago when you were pregnant, and about how you are struggling now.

You mention that you didn’t really get a chance to grieve properly at the time, which could be contributing to how you are feeling now. Research by Sue Ryder shows that not talking about your loss or getting support can extend how long you grieve for.

However, it is never too late to get some support and I’m really glad you have taken the step of joining this site and writing your first post. I hope you find it a good outlet for your feelings.

I have found some other posts by users who are grieving for a parent after a long period of time - you may find it helpful to read and maybe reply to these:

illneverbethesame lost their mum 10 years ago: https://support.sueryder.org/community/life-after-bereavement/i-cant-believe-shes-gone-even-after-10-years
Em_Beth1994 lost her dad more than 4 years ago: https://support.sueryder.org/community/life-after-bereavement/missing-my-dad

We have also had a post this week from Lou25, who is currently pregnant and lost her mum very recently: https://support.sueryder.org/community/coping-death-loved-one/pregnant-and-lost-my-wonderful-mum

Have you ever considered getting any counselling to talk about your loss? Your GP would be able to refer you.

If there’s anything I can help with, just give me a shout.

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