Still struggling with loss of my baby

It’s been nearly four years now and I’m dying inside more today than ever. For no reason at all it’s hurting me so bad I just feel like giving up. Everyday is such a struggle. The moment I wake up and have to face another day. I bearly sleep at all and have the same nightmare on a constant loop waking screaming. Is there anything anyone can suggest to help. I’ve tried councillor’s, doctors tablets, friends family and random peoples help, I’ve tried ignoring it, getting on with life and just pretending it didn’t happen. But everytime I blink that image is there, my babies coffin. It haunts me. I feel empty inside like I’m just existing waiting for the day I get to see him again and everytime I wake in the morning I hate the fact I’ve woken up and have to go threw it all again. I feel so lost. I’m so lost it feels like i5 happened only yesterday but the pain now is stronger than ever. It’s draining tiering and I don’t know what to do. I miss my little man so much I just dont know how to come to terms with it and move on like everyone keeps telling me. I feel like I’m screaming and the world can’t hear me. If there’s anyone been threw similar and managed to find a way to get threw a day without feeling this way please please let me know. Thank you. STEPHEN.

I am so sorry for the loss of your son, @strugglingdad. I can hear the pain you are in. It sounds like you are very understandably traumatised by his death. You have tried so much to help you cope, I would urge you to keep trying - you deserve help and support.

From your post it feels like what you really want is for someone who has been there to share their experiences. I’m sure someone will be along but I also wanted to share these links with you.

The Compassionate Friends are for anyone who has lost a child. They’re staffed by volunteers who are bereaved parents so will understand some of what you’re going through. Their website is here: and they have a helpline too on 0345 123 2304.

Sands also support people who have lost a baby. There are lots of options you might want to look at here:

From reading your posts, I can see your little boy had Patau’s syndrome. SOFT support families who have been bereaved due to Edward’s syndrome and Patau’s syndrome. They are staffed by parents who have had children with these conditions. You can find them here:

Please keep reaching out, you’re not alone.