Still struggling with the loss of my dad

My dad passed away in August 2017, so it’s been 9 months and I still feel like it was yesterday. I remember everything like it was yesterday, I’ve lost track of time and I’m still caught in the moment of it all. I really didn’t expect to lose my dad so soon, I had the rest of my life to spend time with him and make memories but now it’s gone, he passed when I was 18 and I turned 19 three months after he passed away it was so difficult. I hate doing celebrations and things in life without him being here, I feel like he is missing out on so much. He passed away due to being an alcoholic and I watched him take his last breath, I was heart broken, it really has traumatised me, sometimes when I shut my eyes before I sleep all I can see is his eyes closing it’s breaking my heart. I’ve kept myself busy since he passed away and I don’t think I’ve had time to properly grieve because when I’m with my friends or busy I’m okay but when I’m not or I’m on my own I just break down. I’ve been getting really down recently and I don’t know what to do to make me feel okay again because I know I won’t get back to my normal self without him being by my side. I’m definitely not the same person I was before my life got turned upside down. Any advice on how to get myself happy will help a lot and I appreciate anyone who gets back to me.

Phoebe x

Hi Phoebe

So very sorry to hear you have lost your Dad at such a young age. Unfortunately grief changes us all. The only thing I can suggest is that you try and get some counselling to help you process what has happened. You said your Dad was an alcoholic and I know that other ‘children’ who have lost a parent have experienced lots of different emotions (blame/anger) It is hard for them to understand why they couldn’t just stop drinking. LIfe is full of pressures and for many the only way to cope is by drinking to blot out things.

I’m sure a counsellor would help you unravel your feelings and show you how you can be happy again by remembering the happy times with your Dad and knowing he would want you to enjoy your life.

Also remember your Dad will always be a part of you (those we carry in our hearts never leave us)and in time you will think about him and smile.


Hello, thanks so much for getting back to me! You have helped a lot by replying, you are right! He will always be in my heart. I am considering counselling, not sure how much it would help but I guess it is worth a try. Thank you again, phoebe x

Hi Phoebe,

I’m so sorry to hear you lost your Dad. Losing a parent at any age is incredibly difficult. I lost my Mum 5 years ago when I was 42 and I went to pieces. She was my best friend who I would talk to about anything & everything. I did have bereavement counselling & it really did help me deal with the grief. It was my safe place where I could say anything I wanted to without worrying about upsetting my family. It would definitely be worth considering.

I also kept seeing my Mum the night she died in the hospice. It was very upsetting but in time I started seeing that less and was able to think about happier times with my Mum. It does take time though, there’s no magic cure for this grief thing.

Don’t put pressure on yourself to ‘get happy’ again. You need time to grieve & experience all the emotions that come with it. 5 years on I have lots & lots of very happy days but there are occassionally still days I’m a bit sad & lonely missing my Mum. This is all completely normal. You learn that sad days to do come but equally they will pass.

Keep talking to us & take care. Trudy x

Hello trudy, thank you so much for taking time out of your day to reply to me. I’m glad counselling helped you and I’m definitely going to consider it now! Your advice will help a lot so thank you for that! I hope you’re doing well, thanks again! Phoebe x