My mum died just over a year ago, she was fit and healthy but was taken from us suddenly due to a brain aneurysm.
A year may of passed but the pain I feel for her loss feels the same as the day it happened.
I find myself lately having to put all my feelings in a box kind of thing and just storing them away. I try to not think about her other wise I get upset and feel like I can’t carry on.
I feel cheated of the time I have lost with her, I should of been able to look after her in her old age but that time has been taken from me.
My children have lost their grandmother and she won’t see them get married or have kids.
I also feel guilty of what I didn’t do, I punish myself for not going to see her more.
Never done any sites like this before but thought it might help for me to talk to someone not connected, I always struggle, I put on a brave face and people think I’m fine but deep down I’m not!
Hello, I’m sorry you are finding things hard. I think there’s no time limits on grief. It’s with you forever and has changed you. Be kind to yourself and allow yourself to remember your Mum, however painful it may be. I think you have to go through these difficult times so you can process your feelings. I lost my Mum in January and still think about her all the time. I’m not weeping and wailing but I’m quietly reflecting. Sometimes I look back at photos, some will make me smile as I remember. Everyone has to grieve in their own way. Perhaps you might consider counselling to help? Reading the posts on this site is helpful as it makes you aware that your feelings are completely normal. Best wishes xx
I can totally resonate with everything you say. I’ve never been able to put things in a box but on this occasion I have done. I feel like I’m not accepting my mum has gone - as if I’m just having a break from her.
Everything you are experiencing is totally normal including the guilt. I am absolutely sure your mum thought you were amazing and you probably did a lot more for her than other children did for their parent. Please be kind to yourself and stop beating yourself up - please try to focus on what you DID do for her.
Everyone’s grief journey is different and I can understand about putting on the mask and saying to everyone ‘I’m fine thanks’ when in truth, I’m not. I have applied for some bereavement counselling via Cruse so this may help you too. All the very best x
Thank you for your kind helpful words. I do want to remember her but it’s just still so painful. Your right it has definitely changed me, life will never be the same.
I have applied for help with Cruse but there is a long waiting list.
I’m so sorry for your loss, I’m sorry we are all here in this heartbreaking situation. I’m not much help but I hope that you know I’m thinking of you x
I am sorry to hear of the loss of your mum. Grief is a horrible journey of emotions, it is a rollercoaster ride with good days and bad days. All of which is normal.
There are resources by Sue Ryder which may be of help to you at this time.
There is a useful Grief Guide that contains information to help you understand and cope with your bereavement and grief. When you feel ready, it would be worth having a look at it.
It might be helpful for you to book and appointment with your doctor to let them know how you feel and to see how they can support you if you have not done so already. You may wish to consider one to one Counselling. Sue Ryder free online Bereavement Counselling which you may be interested in. It would be worth having a look at it.
There is also a blog on Losing a Parent which may be of help and support to you.
Grief Coach text service, which sends you personalised text support via SMS. This is helpful for family and friends too.
Please be gentle with yourself and try not to think what you have not done, focus on what you have done. Life gets busy and we cannot always be there for our parents. It’s ok to tell people you are not ok, it might help you to talk.
We all understand your pain having lost a loved one, keep reaching out to us. Take care.