Hi. Most people on here seem to have lost their partners relatively recently. I’m nearly 14 months in and still feel very low some days. People including family seem to think I should be getting on things now. I still feel lost and lonely without my rock. Kids are grown up and have busy lives. I used to so know how that is but I’m struggling to see any point to things. Am I just wallowing in self pity.
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@Derrickswife Probably, but then again so do I, If you can’t wallow in self pity over what we’ve been through then when can you? I’m 9 months in and feeling things a bit easier than the early times. I find the sadness and grief ebb and flow, much shorter spans to begin with but now much bigger gaps between the lows now. I know they will come but I know they will go. People who haven’t been to where we have have little understanding of what we are experiencing, there’s no timeframe for this, it just happens and unfortunately we have to accept it. For me I’ll always feel lost and lonely without my wife, I try to accept that and live for her now. It’s hard but it gives me purpose.
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I. Know some days are better than others. We were together 48 years and being alone takes some getting used to. I agree that only those who have been on our position can understand the devastation. He was ill for 2 years and people seem to think that I should have been prepared. It still shocks you when it happens. I try not to be sad around others. No one wants to see you if you’re miserable. I live for the occasions when I see or hear from family but they have busy lives just as I had at their age. Caring for them and their dad was my life. Now it’s just me.
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Wallowing and self pity is allowed, I think when it consumes your life you may need help. I have some good days, this weekend has been great, I’m having a good weekend but I’ve still shed tears, even on the good days it still gets you. Some days are completely overwhelming and that’s ok too. I just deal with what comes.
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Don’t get me wrong l do have better days. Out the other day with grandchildren for instance. It still gets you though remembering the times we went there with their grandad too. Some days are ok.
I feel exactly the same 14 months on. I will never get used to my wife not being here anymore.
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Hello everyone, I am sorry how we all are struggling but I find it reassuring to know that although we are all different and have a different story, we have a shared emotional journey through our sad loss, albeit individual and at our own pace.
My lovely husband passed last October after ups and downs and hospital stays. I am so glad he was able to be home for his last week - we had only moved into our new house in the August so that we could manage life in his wheelchair. I will be in the house for a year next week. Some days it feels like a lifetime ago and on some days it seems like yesterday. I miss him so much, and I am doing things to fill the days as I hold him in my heart. Like so many have said, some days are a bit better and other days suddenly take me by surprise. Although I am doing relatively ok-ish and see family and friends, I noticed that I feel emotionally flat even when I smile. I am not sure yet how I will spend 17th October. I guess everything takes its own time. So like I said, it it helpful to know others here understand.
Sending warm wishes to everyone x
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Hi my lovely wife of 44 years passed away 10 months as of today 13 th October and suddenly had this awful and very frightening thought go through my head that i am never going to see her or hear her voice ever again stopped me dead in my tracks and i shouted loudly " WHY MY WIFE "
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@Bill2 Ilost my lovely husband almost 12 months ago and I also have had these terrible realisation thoughts that I will never hear his voice or hold his hand again .It is simply terrifying.Like you I say why did it have to be you .I can’t understand why?
My thoughts are with you on this dark road we are travelling down.I hope we will get some peace soon
Hugs
Annx
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I will never get used to being without my husband. I still expect him to be there when I come in. Still want to tell him things that are going on. Still want his opinion and input. I still can’t come to terms with never seeing him again.
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Yes me to i still tell my wife everything I’ve done and going to do gives me a little bit of comfort
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Hi, its been 11 months since my nan passed away. she was like my mum she raised me and my brother. im still struggling. ive decided its time to get some help and support. im sorry for your loss xxx
You’re certainty not wallowing in self pity. My husband died 4 months ago. We were married 54 years. How does anyone get over it. Some days not so bad bit some days just awful. Never in my life had feelings so bad but people don’t get it if they’ve never been through it. Some days I’m miserable but i don’t care what people think. Don’t worry i don’t.
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Bill2. I did exactly that yesterday. I thought I was getting on with things. Mowing the lawn. Taking stuff to the dump. When I came back I found myself howling ‘why him. It wasn’t his time. He was only 75 and last year was so fit’. It just isn’t fair. We had just finished renovating a house in Spain and were looking forward so much to spending time there together, reading and listening to music, on the terrace. He never got to enjoy the place he planned to be; the place he designed.
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