My husband passed away in November 2023 and this sadness has been overwhelming- it was sudden and traumatic for myself and my daughter who tried to resuscitate him as it all happened at home. I thought I was coping well and even though I’ve had bad and good days lately I’ve been feeling something like my old self. At first I couldn’t stop thinking about the times when I’ve been angry at him and the times when we were not as happy but there were many more times when we were happy over the last 30 years so why do I go back to the times I was so hurtful to him. I know this is a step in the grief process but it’s hard not to feel guilty. I’ve been getting on with my life as best I can and have had some good times lately. Today my 9 year old grandson got an amazing school report and since I d got back home I haven’t been able to stop crying because he was my husbands pride and joy and he would have been unbelievably proud.
Hi, i lost my husband may 2023, and you said it yourself, this is all part of the grief process, there is no right or wrong, try to be kind to yourself, i have a lot of guilt also but i think that is natural with grief, i find it helpful to write it down in a diary, which has turned out to be a kind of letter to him, do you think this would help? Take care x
I too keep a diary and it does help to write my thought’s down I even wrote him a letter and posted it into the post box that they have in our cemetery. It all helps it’s just sometimes I feel like I’m just existing and yet I do have a lot of events to look forward to.
Hi
I too have guilt
I know I shouldn’t but as you say its all part of the grieving process.
I write to Roger every day. Its like a diary. I tell him everything I’ve been doing. I ask him things to.
I think we’re just normal
Big hugs x x
@Snake I also feel guilty, mainly for the way I was impatient with him for not taking care of himself, but nowadays I realise that he was so very headstrong, a typical punk rocker who did exactly what he wanted to do and lived the life he wanted. If I had died instead then I’m sure he would also feel guilty for certain things, but I would tell him that he was perfect for me, as I know he was for me.
We all have regrets but that’s just because we are human.
It’s good to hear that guilt and regrets are not unusual and I feel comforted by all your comments. We are all human and behave as we do - it’s hard not to keep remembering the bad times instead of all the good times but I’m trying every day.
Hugs to everyone x
It’s hard to accept a life without Les because of the things we had to look forward to - both recently retired and a few days before his sudden heart attack he’d had a hip operation that he’d been waiting for over two years for - he’d postponed it just once because he wanted to make me happy in that we’d booked a family holiday - it’s hard not to wonder what would have happened if he’d had the operation as planned 4 months before he died - it’s something i can’t stop thinking about - he wanted to go on the holiday but I know he would have missed it but for me being grumpy about the possibility of not going - I know that what if this and what if that are not helpful but sometimes I can’t stop thinking that way - he seemed to enjoy the holiday but I could see how much pain he was in.