Still struggling

It’s been two months since my father died, it was sudden and unexpected. Although he was 87 he was fitter than most 60 year olds, He lived on the 3rd floor of a block of flats but only ever used the lift if he had shopping. The day he had the stroke he raced me to catch a bus. The stroke was a shock I was there the evening when it happened and ambulance service got him to the hospital within an hour. He seemed to be recovering to start then it turns out he had lost his swallow function and sadly passed away two weeks later. … I swing from I still can’t believe it to a blubbering heap several times a day. I’m not sleeping well and often wake up crying when I do. Dad and I were always close, it is so hard…

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What happened was meant to be. Dad did what made him happy then passed over when it was his time. What a couragious, strong minded man, to race you to the bus stop. A brilliant loving Dad. He’s no longer suffering that’s the main thing but you are. Your Dad I’m sure would wish you to stay strong and run for the bus when you are 87. Remember, Dad is no longer suffering the hardships of this world.
Live and Light

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Hi CathyG

I am sorry to read your message about your Dad and what a sudden loss it was for you. Two months is really nothing and the shock you experienced at that time is probably continuing still. You say about being there when your Dad had the stroke and that is frightening for you to see but it was great for your Dad that you were. It meant that you could get help quickly even though sadly your Dad was only with you a short time longer.

As you say it is very hard to bear. We know we will lose ou parents at some stage in our lives but that doesn’t make it any easier. Having a good cry won’t do you any harm at all. In fact it will relieve stress for you. I lost my Dad over 20 years ago and my Mum more recently. I used to wake up with tracks of dried on tears all down my cheeks for ages and no memory of crying at night.

Take each day as it comes at the moment and concentrate on yourself. You are number one, your health and well being. The best advice I was given was to say no if you don’t want to do something. We are conditioned to say yes and please others so at first it feels strange. Strange but in a good way! Take lots of time to remember your Dad and how healthy and fit he was until the end. At 87 to still be racing for buses and managing stairs to his flat is marvellous.

The sleeping problem seems to continue for ages. I still have a nap in the afternoon if I need to and quite enjoy it now. A fleecy blanket is a huge comfort to cuddle under and I find one of those lavender filled pillows is good. I don’t bother heating it up and just have it to hold in one hand so the perfume releases. I also have one of Mum’s handkerchiefs in the bed with me, washed many times since but also comforting to have near me.

Keep coming back to this site if you need to. There are lots of friendly people here who understand how hard this time is for you. There is also an online Counselling service you can explore if you feel it might help you. Good as it can be done from your home as well so no need to go out.

Take care of yourself

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