Still suffering

Its been nearly three years since shes been gone. I’ve advised people on here that it gets easier under normal circumstances and to some extent it does but tonight Ive drunk far to much and I cant stop crying. I miss her more than I could ever explain. I had three great loves in my life ,she was the last and as it turned out the only one and now shes gone. I should be grateful that we had twenty eight years together but Im not. I wanted her to outlast me but she didnt. Most of the time I cope with this and to friends and family Im fine but Im really not. I want to go back thirty years and live it all again. It feels like yesterday. I miss her so much.


Peter, i am so sorry that you are hurting so much, i am in early grief and i can hardly bear it, going through it for as long as you have must be horrendous.
I am only 3 weeks in and already i get the feeling that some people think i should be drying my tears and we havent even had the funeral yet. Soi do understand why you put on your everythings ok mask when anyone asks how you are. If you have one friend or family member that you can open up to i would do that. If you cannot say it then show them the message you wrote on here. I have never had counselling so i dont know if it helps but it might be something to try, ask your GP if they can help you.
I hope that having this huge outpouring will give you some relief tomorrow. Tears are healing and a good release. Let us know how you are tomorrow if you can . X

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Hello @peterj,

I’m really sorry to hear that you are struggling with drinking. We know that grief can be so painful to cope with. But it’s important that you reach out for support with this; you matter and you don’t have to do this alone.

  • The NHS website has a guide on getting support with alcohol issues.
  • Alcohol Change offers support to people who are experiencing issues with alcohol.
  • Drinkline is a free, confidential helpline for people who are concerned about their drinking, or someone else’s. Call 0300 123 1110 (weekdays 9am–8pm, weekends 11am–4pm)

The Samaritans are also always there for you, day or night, on 116 123.

Please do reach out for further support - you are important and deserve help.

Take good care,

Thank you Penny I’m ok today. I dont believe I’ve got a problem with alcohol just now and again I drink a bit to much and the grief comes flooding back. I’m so sorry for your loss . God bless.

Oh Peter your words so resonate with how I am feeling today. It’s coming up to a year and I have been doing OK, or so I thought. But today I am back to square one. I am sobbing uncontrollably. I can’t go anywhere and I can’t motivate myself to do anything. I just want him to come back to me. I love him and miss him so much. For nearly 40 years we were all each other needed.