After the love of my life died unexpectedly , almost 2 years ago now, I didn’t know how I could survive even 24 hours. Now , I hope he would be proud of the strength I seem to have found. This has come from the deep love we shared, the friendship since our teenage years. He has always been my friend and I didn’t expect to marry him but so glad I did. One week after our 49th anniversary he was gone - such heart break. As our 10 year old grandson said " I didn’t know my heart could hurt so much". Even on the saddest of days something nice always happens. Today, walking our dog I saw and heard a skylark and wanted to come home and tell him. Instead I voiced it out loud and it felt shared. I know I will never get over his death and will always miss him but the love we had/have will help me create a future. I am moving to be nearer our son and family and am determined that however long I have left will be happy , as he would want as he was such a positive man. No regrets, no looking back was his motto, move on and make the best of life. It is not easy but I am trying. I will plant a new garden with the flowers we loved for the butterflies he knew so much about. I will never stop loving him my very bestest friend.xx
What a lovely post. It’s only 3 months for me. People ask how I am managing without him but like you he is still very much with me. His love is what is giving me the strength I have. I hope your move goes well and you will find happiness in your future.
2 lovely posts Bunty49 and Debsie 1. Yes we take our loved one with us. I love that ‘he is still very much with me.’ I feel the same about my husband. He is still very much a part of me.
Thank you for your replies. My post was written when I needed to tell the world how it feels to be without my love. Before we married, my mother said “You must ask yourself not can I live with him but can I live without him” and now I have to do just that - live without him. Howver he will always be present in my life, he remains in my heart and all those things I try to do. I have to be positive for the family, they loved him so much and miss him too. I see him in our son, his mannerisms and his voice and the immense kindness and sense of humour he has inherited from his Dad. I know how lucky I have been and his love remains. I wish you all well for the future.x
Bunty you have inspired me to be stronger. My husband of 54 years died just over 2 years ago and I have really struggled. i moved house to be somewhat nearer to my two sons and their families 12 months after he died and i have struggled with that too as it is a much quieter area than my previous London suburb. But I have a dog like you do and although she is now 16 and has problems she is my reason for getting up each day and when she is no longer her i feel I must get another one in spite of my age…81. I wish you all the best and your words have helped me to try to be braver and do what my lovely husband would want but it is so hard.
Dear Pat91, It is very hard I agree and my heart goes out to you. I will be moving from a very small village where I have lived for more than half my life, to another village which in comparision is huge. The community here is like an extended family so a big change for me too, but we are braver and stronger than we think.
I love poetry and this one from Donna Ashworth hit home with me and I read it often although it still makes me cry. It is certainly the way my husband thought about coping. Take care and don’t be too hard on yourself x
TAKE THE LOVE
Take the love you had for me
and turn it into laughter
turn it into blinding light
to shine on you thereafter
Take the love you have for me
and show it to the world
something so amazing
needs to blossom and unfurl
Take the love that made us
keep it burning bright
let that fire guide you
let it warm you through the night
Take the love you shared with me
and spread it out with gladness
my life will not have been in vain
if you can fight the sadness
Take the love my darling
it’s yours to carry on
grow that love forevermore
and then I won’t be gone.
Donna Ashworth
Thank you very much. A lovely poem. I haven’t coped well after moving here where it is so lonely but I must try I know so thank you. My husband had dementia and was so good and brave about it but I was just broken by it and didn’t cope very well as there was no real support anywhere and my two sons had their own lives and families. I moved with expectations of seeing so much more of my family but it hasn’t worked out that way as they are so busy and have their own lives and problems too but I took the decision in a turmoil and i must now try and find the advantages as it would be foolish at my age to move back to my former area which is 7 miles from my two sons and it would upset them badly if I did it. But again thank you for your kind words.
My partner Blaise had to watch his father die from Huntington’s Disease, from his mid teens he not only had to watch his father get worse and worse but knew that everything his father went through could happen to him.
He was 35 when he took his own life, he had began to get symptoms of the disease, he didn’t want me to go through what his mother went through and didn’t want to put her through it again. He was so scared but would just smile and say he was fine, we knew he wasn’t. I am angry at myself and I am angry at him.
At the service for him, his friend growing up gave me a little notebook. He told me to write down the all good things, only positive stuff about him. For the first few days I wrote nothing, but as the days are going by, I am thinking more of the happy times we had together and writing more. I have no idea if it will help, it’s still so fresh, but I am hoping it might help. I don’t know if others have tried anything similar?
Take care everyone, my heart goes out to all of you who are hurting.
I am so sorry for you to lose someone in such a tragic way. Everyone will tell you that you were not to blame but you have to come to that conclusion yourself. I hope the positive memories will bring you comfort in the long term but for now just take a day at a time. I write to my husband in a journal every day. I find I can say when I am struggling and tell him all the things that are happening since he’s been gone. I miss him so much, 14 weeks today.
Writing every day is something I also do. It has helped me so much to process my feelings. People say how well I am doing, how brave etc etc, all of which is rubbish really.
I have no choice in what has happened, the only choice I have is how I deal with it every day.
I hope you all find some sort of peace as you travel along, we have no map and no navigator so on we go as best we can. Be good to yourselves.x