Stop talking about getting back to ‘normal’

My mum died of covid on New Year’s Eve. She was 64 and was at home. Both my parents contracted it and we were worried about my dad as my mum seemed to be well, little did we know her oxygen levels were slowly and silently reducing, when my dad recovered we were just waiting for my mum to catch up. We talked lots during her illness and I have taken comfort in knowing she didn’t know how ill she was, our last chat was planning future holidays and then she died peacefully with my dad at her side when she went to sleep. When I got that phone call I expected to be told she’s going into hospital not that she had died. I replay it over all the time and can’t make sense of any of it.

I just can’t believe any of this is real. It’s so unfair. She was full of life and it was so sudden. I’m so sad that we no longer have her, my dads life has completely changed and everything she will miss out on that we should share together.

It’s so hard when everyone around you is talking about getting back to ‘normal’.

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So sorry to read of the loss of your dear mum.
These are Just a few words that wer sent to me:

We don’t move on, we move forward.
We won’t get over it, we integrate grief as part of who we become.
We don’t get back to normal, we are forever altered by the loss as we are by the love.

Jay

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Thank you for this Jay, it is very helpful

Dear Fideeks

A mother’s love.
Losing a mother is one of the deepest sorrows a heart can know.
But her goodness, her caring and her wisdom live on like a legacy of love that will always be with you.
May that love surround you now and bring you peace.

Hope these words are of comfort.

Jay

Hi Fideeks how awful and sad for you all. I’ve just lost my mother too and didn’t realise she was dying. I keep torturing myself with I could have done this or could have done that or should have said this or should have said that but it’s all pointless but normal apparently. They call it the blame game. The hurt in our chest is really hard to bear sometimes as are the memories while we are still so grief stricken at losing them. I keep talking to my Mum all the time I tell her things and ask her things and even tell her off for leaving me here on my own. I know she will be laughing at me wherever she is now and that I take comfort from. People who say are you back to normal yet - well what can I say. The truth is you won’t ever get back to normal you will only get back to a new normal, a normal without your Mum, a normal where she’s no longer there, a normal where you learn to live alongside your grief. I like to think that’s what people mean and that they are not being insensitive. Big hugs and comfort being sent your way while you wade your way through it all. RedPoppy.

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