Strong - Weak...

Looking to the future
1

I guess I can speak for all of us but we do have our strong moments when we push ahead ( unwillingly of course ) to do the necessaries re, our partners will, taking over household bills - maintenance etc, making a new life for us now our life as we once knew it has sadly come to its end but then we have our weak moments when we break down and tell our partners that we dont want to carry on anymore, we just want it all to end and we want to be with them, well I know I have my defeated moments, I have just had one…I will sit on Richards bed, rub my hands over his pillows and tell him so, I cant carry on anymore with the things I have to do…my head is all over the place, I dont even know when all solicitor business is done and dusted ( how long is a piece of string? ) that if and when I move home, where I shall go, or what time of place I need to be looking for, re, my MS situation…my road ahead is so scary, I am not even sure I want to go there…I am fighting daily against the being strong and get everything done that needs to be done, and wanting to just give up…after all at the end of the day, my Richard is not going to be waiting at the other end when all is finished and sorted out…Oh what a fine line tread…an uncertain future, when a few days, weeks, months ago, we just followed the same old pattern of our life together…which none of us unexpectedly to have come to an abrupt end…

Jackie…

Jackie…

2

Hi Jackie,
I think we all have moments that we feel overwhelmed by everything. When I had to deal with all the paperwork was one of them. Because we weren’t married and there was no will, Simons brother had to register when he passed and send letters to different companies to allow me to have any money Simon had paid into. I never thought I would lose him. The last thing has just finally come through, which I started in November.
I had a very bad weekend as Simons dad offered to take me to a garden centre to get blades for the mower and ended up taking me to other centres. The memories of me and Simon doing the same thing made me feel so sad. When I got home I just fell to bits and I spent the rest of the weekend worrying about the future and thinking of the past. I went to see my counsellor on Monday and he said I’m thinking of ‘what ifs and buts’ of things that may never happen and try to think of the here and now, as I have enough to deal with, but I never thought I would lose Simon. It is easier said than done but I did feel better about things. So that’s what I’m trying to do. I came home and cut the grass and tidied up, which I couldn’t be bothered with before. I miss Simon so much and I talk to him everyday.
I know your situation is so hard with your ms and I’m hoping my sjorgrens doesn’t get any worse with my joints.
Take care Jackie, love Janet xx