First time posting here. I lost my mum to cancer five months ago, she had been ill for nearly three years, made worse by avascular necrosis in her hip that left her housebound. She was only 70 and never got to enjoy her retirement. The last few months and weeks leading to her death were traumatic to say the least.
I thought I’d feel some sense of relief that she’d no longer be suffering, and I had been in anticipatory grief ever since her diagnosis (the cancer was already stage 4 when it was found). However, the shock of the reality hit hard and now this time has gone by I still feel terrible, swinging between denial and depression with no sign of acceptance in sight. I have terrible nightmares about her still being alive and seriously ill (not always cancer), and haunting memories of her death and funeral. My health anxiety is also off the scale, I’m constantly worrying that I’ve got some sort of terminal disease. I’ve had regular therapy for years, but it doesn’t seem to be helping very much right now. I don’t want take antidepressants as I fear getting stuck on them forever (I’ve got a fair bit of knowledge about those).
I just feel completely overwhelmed and wondering if or when this will ever end and no one really wants to talk about it anymore. Is anyone else feeling this way and how are you coping with it?
Soo sorry for your loss, i can’t imagine having to go through that. I lost both my parents last year within 8 weeks of each other, both deaths were sudden and unexpected so it was a hard thing to process as they both died from sepsis. To be honest i haven’t dealt with my grief I’m still in denial, i miss them both soo much and I’m at the crematorium once a week even though i know they’re with me all the time. Grief hits everyone in different ways and everyone deals with it differently some don’t want to speak about it but I’m the opposite i can talk about my mum and dad all day, think i probably annoy some people but I’m determined to keep their memory alive, my youngest daughter who is only 17 is 23 weeks pregnant with a wee boy a wee gift sent from heaven i believe, but it’s bittersweet knowing my mum and dad will never get to hold him. I’m always here if you want someone to talk to x