Struggling after losing hubby of 30 years on 22/11/2022

I am really struggling…I met my husband when we were both 17 and we were inseperable afterwards. Now 30 years later -28 of those married he’s gone. Im so sad, mad ànd lost. It’s been 5 weeks and still does not feel real.

I have a high powered job and the one everyone goes to for support. Do not really have anyone now to support me. My husband and I did everything together and he did all the practical things whilst I worked. The family motto was ‘your alright you’ve got…’ and now I don’t.

We have 3 boys who are autistic (28, 27 and 23). As such they continue to need support. They all now have their own homes but stayed over Christmas which was stressful as they don’t all get along.

Everyone thinks im coping so well but its all a front. I cry all the time and can’t see anything to look foward to. Went back to work less than a week afterwards as I was an agency worker and would not get paid. Did not have life insurance so also trying to sell house as I can’t afford it anymore. Hate havubg to thi k about money ànd housing when im trying to greive…

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I wish I could take away your pain
It’s bad enough to loose the love of your life
But to worry about money when you just want to curl up in a ball and grieve

You will get through it David and I lived together for 25 years so when he died I was not his life long partner but the person that found him dead
That was just the beginning of the nightmare no will no rights !
Then to top it all off my mum died 9 months later

Sorry but life is a bitch

Just take tiny steps Maria-Jane remember you have to put yourself first if your not fit you can’t support others

I started to write in a journal when David died it helped me cope with my angry
I still write in it today 4 years later
I found Google and u tube helped me so much things I would of asked David to help with they gave me the answer
I found it was easier to try and do everything myself as others do let you down

Come on this site and share your feelings
We are all here to support listen and help you
We all are in the same boat
Take care


Thank you. It’s hard to see an end or time things will be better. Everything I do is the first time without him…I had never lived alone…it’s weird as I don’t want anyone else here which people seem to think I would they are not him so I would rather be alone.

Sorry to hear you had so many issues…your right dealing with money issues is the last thing you want to do…

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You just learn to live with the heartache
I will always be broken
But I was so lucky to have been loved so much
And I have all those happy memories to cherish

I still get bad days when I don’t want to get out of bed
Cry all day
It’s what my body needs
Then I have to pick myself up
It’s only me now that pays the bills

Helping others gives me a purpose now
It hides the pain for a wee while

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my wife died the same day and I really know how you feel. I managed to find the reserves to organise the funeral and wake but after that I’ve just been treading water. Got through christmas but this week has been a killer. I don’t have any kids and all my family and friends are away.

For christmas dinner I sat at the table weeping whilst my Mother in Law and partner debated how they should change their power of attorneys and wills seeing how things had changed.

I’m just going to go with the flow and continue sitting playing the Play station for the remainder of the week and think about the future, if my brain come manage, come the new year. I’m definitively in the cry if you want phase. Can’t stop, it just comes out of nowhere. Lasts seconds sometimes, other times…

I suppose we think people think we’re coping and we think we’re not. But what does coping really look like? A lot like this x

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Scottie, I think you are right I had 30 years with him when some people never find that special someone. I am grateful for that but don’t think I could ever be ready to be alone like this…it’s like half of me is gone.

Walan, so sorry to hear you lost your wife the same day. I cry all the time too but also feel numb and like it’s not real. We’re not having a funeral as that’s not what he wanted and he’s being cremated on 3/1/2023.

I went into managing mode and am sorting, sorting, sorting. I’m a manager its what I do. It’s all just a distraction, like playing the PlayStation, but it does not last forever then it hits again… he’s gone and not coming back. That’s when I break…

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