Struggling after losing my Dad

I lost my Dad last year on the 16th Jan 2018 and I have struggled ever since. He was ill for many years and we always knew the day would come but when it did, I watched him take his last breath and it has affected me more than I ever thought. I think about him every day and sometimes just start crying randomly. My wife is supportive but I feel so lonely. I have more than most people can ever need. A lovely family, a lovely home, other properties, a decent business and a good job, but I feel so sad all the time to the point where I wonder what is the point of it all. I’m seriously considering just disappearing cause I literally can’t cope on a daily basis. Any advice ?

Hello Wayne, How are you feeling at the moment? Following the loss of my Husband I went to stay at my family home so was spared the physical loneliness of being on my own. However, just because we are surrounded by supportive family it doesn’t mean we escape the effects of emotional aloneness does it. I sense you are particularly troubled/distressed by certain aspects of what’s happened and I empathise because I too am troubled by the same thing. If I could offer any advice at all it would be to not suffer in silence any longer and to try opening up to someone about it. The longer it goes on there is the chance you’ll start to build emotional walls and isolate yourself from friends/family unwittingly which is not a good road to go down as I can attest. In the short term it’s ok to retreat but as it’s been a while it’s possible depression/anxiety/complicated grief could be playing a part. I don’t wish to sound negative, it’s just a thought. I know it’s hard to ask for help but it may be the start of finding a bit of respite from the despairing feelings. ( I wish I was able to take my own advice ). If you get feelings of overwhelming acute distress please try phoning/emailing the Samaritans. Take care Wayne.

Hi Wayne
I was reading about your problem last night and haven’t been able to get you out of my mind all day. Not sure what advice I can give as I’m also feeling lost and alone after losing my precious husband a couple of months ago. However I can’t see it would be doing you any good to just disappear you will still be taking the problem inside you along with you. You have so much to be grateful for especially a supportive wife and lovely family. Imagine not having them, your life would be so much worse. Agree with Tina19 look for some help. It sounds as if you need to talk. Try your doctor or I am told that a local hospice have therapy sessions to help with grief. Take care Wayne, I will be thinking about you.

Hi. Many thanks for replying. I just feel a bit lost and as supportive as my wife is, I really don’t think she fully understands. Watching my Dad die has been the single biggest turning point in my life and I’m not sure I will ever be the same. My step daughter graduates as a doctor in July and she has advised I go see my GP. It’s strange cause I can talk to her but not my wife. What does that say about our relationship ?? I’m always the happy smiley guy who’s trying to hold my two younger sisters together too as they too are struggling. My youngest sister has left her husband over her grief as she said he doesn’t understand. She lives in Oz and he didn’t come back with her for my Dads funeral and she can’t forgove him for that. They been together 20 years !!! I fear this is going to ruin my marriage too if I let it. Maybe my GP is the best option. Thanks again x

Many thanks for your response. It seems that my GP might be my only option. I just find it very hard to talk about without breaking. Watching my Dad die has changed me like I never thought it would. My biggest fear has always been dying and now I’ve seen it first hand it breaks me. Thank you again

Hi there Wayne
I am so pleased you are going to seek out help. You are seriously struggling. I watched my husband pass away. I held his hand and kept telling him how much I loved him. We was alone at home. It was early morning. However I will never forget his pain before he passed. It was almost a relief when he went. But I will never forget it. I just hope I can learn to live with it. Please think of your family and wife and include her in your pain, don’t shut her out. Then she will understand. Nothing wrong with your relationship, your probably just trying to protect the person you love. My husband was taking many tablets for some months but kept telling me he hadn’t been given any and was doing O.K. I found empty packets hidden away after he died. Did I let him down that he couldn’t tell me. I thought we had a close marriage. Family are certain that he was just trying to protect me. So much to get your head round at a time like this. Take care Wayne and let us know how you are getting on.

Many thanks for your words. I cannot imagine what you are going through as if i lost my wife I think that would finish me off. My Dad shed a tear in his last moments as if he knew what was about to happen. My sister and I just kept reassuring him that we would be ok and I will look after both my sisters, and told him that it was ok for him to go. It was heartbreaking but he was out of pain and didn’t really have much quality of life but he had his brain which is why he knew what was going on. It’s something that I will never forget but hopefully learn to live with and cope somehow. Thank you very much for listening it’s very much appreciated x