Struggling after not giving myself time to grieve

I lost my dad before the pandemic from a terminal illness where in a lot of ways we had already lost him for a year before he actually died. During this time we had to make decisions such as whether to feed him through a tube feed, consent to a DNR and when to withdraw treatment. I was clear on his wishes but what made it hard was him asking me to end his life. We tried to make his last times include time spent with us all and his favourite things. I cried every day and when he died I think I thought i could move on as had already been sad for so long. Then my younger child struggled with the loss and I guess I never gave myself time after he was gone to grieve. I didn’t even take time off work. Recently I have been remembering more about that time and how difficult it was and don’t know why I’m thinking about this so much now. I keep remember seeing the man next to him in hospital die next to him while they tried to resuscitate him and haven’t thought about this for some time. I just feel like I have a pain in my chest like I felt when I was first going through all of this.

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Hi Bo2022 how hard it must’ve been for you having to go to work. My boss gave me two months off when my Mum became terminal and I know I simply couldn’t have worked during it. Sending hugs xx

Thank you life doesn’t stop and work just builds up so it feels pressure to take time off anytime

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