Hi, I’m Kay and I lost my lovely husband, Matthew, very suddenly during the night of 26th to 27th December. He was 47 years old. He went to bed perfectly normally on Boxing Day evening but he didn’t wake up. I found him the following morning.
I have an awesome family and incredibly caring friends but the thought of living the rest of my life without my lovely man is just unbearable. It’s so hard to explain to people that when you lose your husband every single aspect of life changes irreversibly and for the very, very worst. I think I am still in shock and whilst I know and accept Matt has gone, I have difficulty in processing this. I have no explanation for his sudden death and I find myself going over and over the last few days, weeks and months of his life trying to make sense of something that actually makes no sense.
I’ve been trying to keep myself busy in an attempt to distract myself from the reality of the situation but it’s so hard to keep this up. People keep telling me I’m doing so amazingly well but I actually don’t feel like I’m doing well at all. I’ve a constant physical pain in my heart, a relentless sick, panicky, anxious feeling and I cry spontaneously without warning…it just hurts so so much and I can’t bear feeling like this forever.
How is everyone else coping?