I am very early on still in the grieving process but struggling again today. My brothers seem to be doing OK, going to the gym, meeting up with friends, but I feel at a total standstill. Woke up again with such a deep sadness and I hate this feeling so much. The longing and missing my mum who died so suddenly on Christmas day. When I am like this, I feel life is pointless without my mum and everything seems so tedious. I miss her so deeply and I wonder how do you even move through this? I thought I was getting better but today I feel like I have taken a step back. is this normal to feel?
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Hello @Toniee,
I’m sorry you’re struggling today. I just want to reassure you that you’re normal. Grief isn’t linear and some days are harder than others. I’m glad you’ve reached out for support here. I’m just bumping your thread for you - I’m sure someone will be along soon.
Dear Toniee
I am so sorry for your loss.
Our mum’s are such an important part of our lives.
I lost my mum in August last year and I too have struggled without her. She was always there when I needed her.
My brother just got on with his life and, I believe, shut mum away in a box as if she never existed. I could never do that.
We all deal with loss in an different way and please don’t be afraid to grieve for your mum. The waves can be huge and you might think they are impossible to get through, but take each moment , hour, day, as it comes.
Just remember to take a few minutes every day to take care of yourself. Eat something for pleasure, go for a little walk.
I joined this a short time ago, I didn’t know where to go as I was so low myself, but I have found this to be therapeutic reading other people’s story and feeling able to reply . I hope this works for you too… it’s a small step to make but it is a big mind step to make too.
I am sending you a big hug Toniee.
Thanks so much for replying Phoebe, I am also so sorry for your loss.
You are right, even though my heart breaks for people on here, it does provide comfort to know that I am not alone.
It is such a lonely road, and as I am 35, none of my friends have lost either of their parents or even seen them unwell, so I feel very alone sometimes. She was taken from me way too soon but I should be grateful that I had her for the time I did.
Hope you are doing ok
xx
Thank you for your message, I’m glad it brought some confort too.
I lost my dad when I was 40, it shattered my heart. He was my saviour and my hero. I had never been married and grieved for myself for not being able to have him walk me down the aisle, or the life things like fixing my leaky tap or cutting his hair…
That was 21 years ago. It was the anniversary 3 days ago. I punished myself for all that time for the things I couldn’t do with him, or give him. I didn’t allow myself to forgive myself, does that makes sense ?
Last year I lost my mum and my world is upside down again. I thought I would deal with it a better way… how wrong I was.
It’s still one moment, one hour and one day at a time.
Please don’t ever be hard on yourself for not being grateful. You don’t have to be grateful. The love and life we all shared is still there and slowly maybe a smile will come instead of tears.
I too am alone and can’t see a future with anyone else in it right now.
I am here if you ever need a shoulder
Xx
Hi Toniee
I feel exactly the same.
I can’t function properly, and I don’t think I will ever be the same again. Grief seems to affect every aspect of my life. I lost both my parents within 4 months of each other last year, and I don’t know how to process their loss.
We buried my mum two weeks before Christmas , it doesn’t seem real. And yet I know it is .
Sending support to you .
I lost my mum in August 23 and I still get tearful. Life makes me realize what a big loss I have encountered. I don’t think if it recent or over a year. It’s still with you and might never go away. Today’s ugly world just makes your grief even worse. It makes you think of your old life and how much special your parents were.
You are right Keirh68, life makes me realise what I’ve lost.
I feel like my world has shifted without my parents . Then I feel silly, at my age! I spoke to my parents every day and their loss is immense.
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I understand, I don’t know how old your parents were my mum was 95. I knew it was mum’s time and I knew it was coming. But it’s like half my life gone, the person who created me, the person who bought me up and was with me till she couldn’t be with me no more. Now we left in a ugly world on our own but no one to talk to. Hey we had a special connection not everyone gets that. There’s here and we can understand each other and how we feel. But we can’t make each other feel any better, we can distract ourselves with music, games, books and the internet, but we still have to deal and live with our loss every day.
You are fright, Keirh68, we have to live with the loss every day. And boy does it hurt.
I feel very out of sorts, like I’m uneasy all the time and can’t relax.
I just want it all to end.
Take your time with it, it can’t end be nice if it could. But we both know it can’t. All we can do is be there for each other and come on here and try help in some sort of way.
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How are you today ?
I’m exhausted, everything seems such an effort.
How are you ?
A little tired at the moment, your loss is recent yeah ?
Dad 6 months ago, Mum 2 months.
Struggling some days to see a way forward.
I know, for me it be 2 years in August. I still have my moments and the world makes that harder. My mum was 95 when she passed and it was her time. Mum in a better place now, I’m sure of it. This country is in a nasty place and everyone is suffering at the moment. Our parents deserve better and wherever they are I hope they are more happier. Maybe they are the lucky ones ?
My Mum suffered so much, the death of my father was the final straw for her.
I believe both my parents are at peace, and definitely in a better place. No more suffering
They are I do a spiritual group on FB and why I don’t totally understand it fully. I’m convinced mum is with her mum as mum died on her mum’s birthday. We can’t explain everything that happens.
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