Struggling in December

It has been15 months, it will be my second Christmas without my lovely Rose. I am trying to cope but I seem to take a step forward then three steps back. I went for coffee at our local cafe today, it was one of our favourite places. They were about to put up a tree and decorate it. I left, walked a few yards and had to sit down. I don’t feel able to look forward to Christmas when the person I have spent the last 50 with is not there. I feel wretched. This grief just never gives up, it keeps coming back. I am so sorry for all of you who may be facing a similar time.


I’m so sorry for your loss. I don’t have any words to take away your pain, but just wanted to let you know that I’m here and I care.


For me it has been 13 months since my husband of 48 years died. I’ve had a terrible week of grief - I was in shock last Christmas and just let it pass - but I thought I would make a bit of effort and write some cards - big mistake. I have wept and wept. It just feels wrong only putting my name on them and wishing people a Happy Christmas. I don’t know how I’ll get through it this year - but it won’t be happy.
You’re right - grief does make us feel wretched - I’m so sorry for you, for myself and all of us who find ourself in this group that we never wanted to join. Let’s hope we can just get through it a day at a time.


I wish xmas would just be over with, existing is hard enough. No one wants me to be a blubbering wreck in their company at xmas, I don’t want to spoil any happiness and joy they manage to find.
Wish I could sleep till its over, its bad enough the first anniversary of my husbands death will be in Jan .
You are right, grief doesn’t give up, all powerful, engulfing, relentless, ruining lives & relationships


Dear @Malc39200,
I’m afraid I cannot offer any help or good cheer. I’m in a similar situation to yourself, 15th December will be 17 months for me. My Nicki loved Christmas and everything associated with it, whereas I could be a bit of a grump, something that came with age in my case.

I’ll put up the small plastic Christmas tree and lights that I bought the first year we met, not really because I want to, but more as a mark of respect for the fact that Nicki loved this time of year so much. I have the kitchen radio (and the TV) playing for company during all waking hours, but the barrage of Christmas melodies is starting to wear me down already. I won’t be playing any of the Christmas CDs we collected over the years, as we would normally have done. Unfortunately Christmas falls on a Saturday this year, which means the following Monday and Tuesday are holidays too. My current thinking is that I’ll just pull a duvet over my head and try and sleep as much as possible and pray for it all to be over soon. My heart breaks every day, something I believe will never change, and I struggle to function, even for the simplest of things.

I never thought I would end up as someone who would spend Christmases (and New Years) on my own. I pray this might be my last one.


Thank you. My condolences also

So sorry for your liss too. Thanks for replying

Thank you and my condolences to you

So sorry for your liss. Thank you for your response

Sorry, loss.

Dear Marc 39200. It has been 19 months . It will be my second Christmas without my Peter. Last Christmas my family were really there for me and I struggled through it. This year I just can’t be bothered to do anything I have no interest in it. Life goes on for our children but mine has stopped they think I should be over it by now but how do you do that. My thoughts are with you.

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December is getting harder for me too, I normally love Xmas but I too look at all the decorations and sentiment and turn away upset at how the world just carries on but life is cruel, I just want to be left alone in my sadness, my family and friends love them chivvy me along but my heart is empty of any emotion but sadness so I just sit and watch them and silently think of times gone by with my lovely husband, it’s all I have left thinking of everyone at such a sad time xx

It’s was the 1st anniversary of my wife death on the 1st of December this year . I thought I would never cope but I found counciling really helped me ,I know it does not help everyone but may be worth a try . If I canhelp in any way I will .
Thinking of you


It dose feel wrong not putting both your name on a card or at the end of a letter
I got this from someone and it has helped me a bit
at the end of anything i wright i put WITH LOVE FROM BALFOUR COTTAGES (the name of our home)

What heart i have left goes out to all and hope we can manage this christmas


Thank you Mark. So sorry for your loss