Well its approaching 5 months since i lost mum, the grief has taken over my life. I knew it would be hard, but feel like i am drowning. I am so sad all the time, i seem to take 2 steps forward…then 10 steps back. Still cant sleep, eating is minimal. I just cant seem to pull myself forward, all i feel is that i need my mum back. I am not good at talking about things…but am in such a dark place its starting to scare me. Feel like i am just stuck, i cant even talk about mum without falling apart. 
. I just dont know what to do anymore.
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Hello Debbie, my heart goes out to for your loss. there’s a saying if you live in the past it will invite depression. If you live in the future it will invite anxiety. If you live in the present it will invite peace of mind. I find going out for a walk or just getting some sun on my face to help avoid the dark state of mind. Staying indoors too much will make you overthink and trigger sad thoughts. I hope you can find some peace of mind by sharing your thoughts on this site. Be good to yourself.
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I’m sorry to hear you’re struggling so, all I want is my dad back too. 
It’s still early after five months, so don’t be too hard on yourself. 
I do think you need to try to talk about it though, especially since it scares you to be in that dark place. Is there any grief counselling available in your area? It might help you sort out your feelings.
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grief counseling worked for me. I did that for many years. they are experts at helping and I benefitted from this.
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