I don’t know what’s going on with me. I’m struggling more with each day that passes. It’s been 14 months and 12 days and I’m getting worse. I feel so despairingly hopeless and lost and so empty withoutyou. I just want it to be over and be with you. If it was just me I wouldn’t hesitate. But I have to think of the babies. All I have done is exist since you passed and cry. I have cried more since you died than I have in my whole life. I love you baby and I want to be with you so badly. I’m trying so hard for you and our babies but I know I’m failing. I’m so sorry please forgive me I’m so broken and as much as I love you and our babies I don’t want this life. It was meant to be us not me. My whole life people have said I’m not good enough and I think they were right. I’m not good enough for anything. Yet you loved me so much and accepted me even with all my flaws. You were more than I ever deserved. Why do I always lose what I love? I hope you are at peace. I have had a lot of grief in my life but none had broken me until I lost you. I’m falling apart and I don’t know how to stop. All I know is I love you with every part of me and I long to be with you. You are my heart and soul . My every thought is of you. I have never known pain like this. I know the pain is because we love so deeply and completely and you are worth every bit of pain I feel. I just wish you were still here with me. Thank you for loving me and making me feel like I was worth something. I will never stop loving you and I will never be the same withoutyou. You were and always will be my everything. I love you my sweet beautiful perfect Irish rose xxxxx
Hi Casey,
14 months is no time at all.
Your not failing your carrying on, which is an achievement after what you have been through.
You’ll always be good enough, you keep your partners memory alive every time you think of her, you look after your animals, you’ve managed to keep going that proves your good enough.
You can do this because you already are 
Just hold on tight & hopefully tomorrow will be better then today.
@Flower_garden dear flower_ garden thank you for replying to me and for your kind words. To be honest I have just been muddling through each day. But some days hit harder than others . But I will keep trying and just take one day at a time. Thank you. Take care love and hugs xxx
You can do it Casey. You can do it for Pauline. You can do it for your gorgeous pets, and of course you can do it for you!!!
It’s hard, goodness knows, it is so hard. But you’ve done it up until now and you can carry on.
We’re all here with you
Lots of love
Janey xx
@JaneyS dear janey thank you. It helps to know I’m not totally alone . Take care love and hugs xxx
Dear Casey, I feel your deep sorrow and immense pain and feeling of not being able to carry on…but you have carried on despite everything. You are so sad and in so much pain…but remember, Pauline still loves you and is inside of you…she is still a part of you. Of course your life will be different, but not necessarily as empty and painful as you currently feel. Let Pauline’s love for you carry you through your extremely trying and despondent times as you mourn her loss. Pauline would want you to be happy. You haven’t lost her life-energy…it’s within you. You are plenty good, my dear…maybe way more than you realize. Stay strong, dear Casey…with Pauline’s help you will keep going for yourself and your pets. Take care…Pipsi XXXXXXOOOOO