Lost my dad in October 2025 and since then I have been juggling looking after my mum who has no idea about money bills etc who is also feeling so alone anxiety is through the roof scared about everything. as well as going to work (which does help with giving me a focus for a few hours) . Im finding it hard coping with mum’s anxiety about everything, the constant reassurance , mum has been quite snappy at time which I k ow she cant help it but I hold my tongue and take it. I had once or twice snap bavk but the. Fel.so guilty a out doing so. Mums family is 3 hours away so only contact with them is on phone her sister is very religious and ends up almost preaching to her which does t help. Mum has bee. To dr but they wont give her anything due everything she takes gives her horre does side effects. I have managed to get her on list for grief counselling selling but there a waiting list.
I just feel lonely isolated I have some good friends who have been fab but I feel guilty being Debbie dow er all the time or cancelling because mum.is having a really bad day and i need to be there and they hwvetheir own lives to lead. I have no siblings and one child but they sre not at the age to help with mum.
I feel guilty when I do go for coffee with friends rhat im living my life while mum is sat at home crying but I know if I stop witb her all the tkme I will resent it and her. I never thought my life would end up like this and there are days where im so fed up I come home and sob but then its groundhog day all over again.
I have to go to hospital for a scan in a few weeks time but I have had to lie to mum.about it because her anxiety is so bad it would just panic her and if results are ok then why rock that boat.
Im scared ill end up like my mum.with anxiety even though I am.usually the complete opposite of her .
Hate that I feel so lonely . I have a telephone appt with doctor next week but don’t know if it will be of any good .
I’m sorry you’re feeling so alone. I understand the feeling of looking after a parent when the other one is no longer with us. You are very brave for helping out your Mum so much. If you want to continue a chat here, I am happy to be someone to bounce off
Your both very early in your grief and your mum is experiencing all the emotions you would expect. Anxiety can be a terrible affliction but it often accompanies grieving. I’m 4 months after my partner’s sudden death and I’ve gone from being a strong person to an absolute wreck at times. I have memory problems and even simple things overwhelm me. The sense of loss following the death of your spouse/partner is devastating. Your mum seems to be relying on you a lot and that doesn’t give you time to process your own grief. Explain to your mum that you need some time out to distract yourself sometimes. Do you have any other family or friends who could help in the short term?
Thank you both for your replies snd sorry for your loss. Mum has always had anciety but itit has gotten worse lately. I have said thag I need time and on weekends I dont stay as much. Which she seems to get but after a few hours of not being there ill get text message. I dont go over but I do reply to her. Family is 3 hours away so she speaks to them on the phone they say they will come down but never do even for the weekend. She has 2 close friends but they are both in their 80s so she doesnt like to put too much on them.
An idea I had after reading your situation: can you make a schedule for your mum that she understands and can accept. You will come by for a certain time span at certain times. Fill in the spaces for her with tasks/distractions. I was using a call line and my anxiety would spiral within an hour it felt that I would never be ok again in my heart and mind if I didn’t call for help so I called. Frequently. Can you give her tasks that would help you as well so it feels more like help than need for you. A lot of people like those coloring books and neat pens for adults. Then use the result in your own way. Thinking of you.
Ccaz thank you for your reply and the idea thats definitely something I can do with mum and think it may help both of us . I did suggest the order day getting her jigsaws to occupy her mind but colouring books are a different one.
Are there charity groups who would arrange for someone to sit and talk with your mum, on a regular basis? I’m sure I’ve heard of them but sadly I cannot remember the name of the group.
Hi I have managed to get mum on list for counselling with Cruse but its a 12 week wait. There is a bereavement group in town that meets once a month its an informal group but mum isnt interested in going to that. Mums anxiety doesnt help but thank you for your reply really appreciate it.
I feel for you as I’m in a similar situation and therefore joined this group for support. I am also looking for solutions to easy my mother’s grief and loneliness. It’s not easy and I feel that I now have another child to care for. I’m hoping time will ease the burden x
