Struggling to carry on

I lost my husband nearly 3 weeks ago. The pain is agonising and I know it’s very early days yet. I always thought that things would get easier over time and this forum has helped me enormously but I see a lot of posts from people saying they are so many years down the line and they’re feeling worse than ever. This frightens me as I don’t think I’d have the strength to carry feeling this horrific for years.


Dear Jean

I’m so sorry :cry:

I’m not sure what to say - words bring little comfort I know . I’m hoping it gets easier - my own darling husband died suddenly while out walking the dogs at bedtime. This was 8 months ago - we live in France so no family around. I can’t believe it is 8 months - as each day since seems to last forever. I look back and think “ what the hell has happened?”

This week the legal matters were completed - and it feels I’ve gone back to square one. I saw a quote somewhere that said - “ I’m very good at smiling while I’m drowning “ that pretty much sums me up at the moment.

Im not sure time is a healer - but I’m hoping I can learn to live alongside my grief.

This site is invaluable- I visit often - I know then I’m not alone x

Sending you positive thoughts, and virtual hugs x


Hello @Jean8

You are very much in the midst of the raw grief of early weeks. It will change very slow as times moves on as you learn to live alongside your grief. It’s an emotional rollercoaster and some days will be more bearable than others. The raw grief you feel now will become less intense, it doesn’t go away, it just becomes different.

There are a couple of good quotes that I think are spot on:

  • One was by Rose Kennedy, the mother of JFK, she said it’s almost like a scar heals over our emotions to protect our sanity, but the feels are never gone.

  • The second, if you Google ‘I had a notion of grief’, it’s a short paragraph that I think is one of the best quotes I have seen and sums up our whole situations completely.

I have just had the first anniversary of losing my husband, which I found desperately hard, I miss him every single day, and wish he was here, I still can’t believe he’s not, but it is not the same as the grief of early weeks.

Sending you strength and hugs. x


Hi Jean
I have been following your struggle on the forum and do feel so sorry for your misery.
I’m afraid three weeks is no time to expect to be getting over your loss. How I wish it was that easy. There are many waves to have to negotiate but it does become more bearable so don’t be too disheartened. Even years along we still have that love for the people we have lost but we have learned to make a life and enjoy it even if those sad moments do invade our space from time to time. You will learn to manage your grief and find strength. We have all had to do it and you will too.

There is so much we have to learn about grief and about ourselves.

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@Pattidot thank you for your kind words. The whole thing is just too much to handle. My poor son is broken. He shared all his interests with his dad (football, cricket) and they were constantly messaging and talking. My two daughters are also struggling. He was such a big, constant part of their everyday lives. The World Cup is a nightmare without him. Then comes Christmas. It’s impossible to get through it.

I know Jean. The brain becomes scrambled and there seems like a never ending list of things to cope with. You have your family to grieve with for the time being so don’t bother with things like the World cup or even Christmas. Just concentrate on yourselves and supporting each other day by day. Given time you will find a way to get through it all. Stay as calm as possible, you will get through it but don’t expect miracles straight away.

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Jean my heart goes out to you.i do think that things will not be as painful as time goes on I think we have to try and believe that lost my partner 1 week ago and find it so difficult to get through the days but feel an inner strength for the sake of my family I do hope you find peace and strength x

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