My mum is terminally ill and lives in Hampshire. She has a very rare and progressive cancer which is spreading. I am having trouble coming to terms with this and am struggling with the thought of losing her.
Hello @Tina74 ,
I’m Alex, and I’m part of the Online Community team. I wanted to say thank you for bravely reaching out. I’m so sorry to hear about your mum being so ill.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few resources which might be helpful right now.
- Our Supporting someone at the end-of-life pages contain practical advice for those helping someone close to death and information about what you can expect when death is near.
- Our Anticipatory grief page talks about the feelings associated with grief in the days, months or years before someone dies. This is known as anticipatory grief, as you are grieving for someone who is still alive.
Macmillan offers support to the families of people living with cancer. They have an online chat which is open until 8pm every day. They also have a free support line which you can call on 0808 808 00 00.
I hope you find the community a good source of support to you.
Take good care - you are not alone.
Alex
Thank you Alex I will look into what you have sent me.
Tina
1 Like
So sorry to read this. I nursed my dad through cancer, also my mum this year. Its a vile journey so i feel for you but sadly it doesnt wait for us to catch up with whats gping on, let alone change it. With mum i spent 6 months not coming to terms with it, always a disbelief but i knew what was happening. My mums GP (also my GP) said she would likely accept it before i would, & added maybe i wouldnt accept it at all. They were right.
Whatever the distance / practicalities of your circumstance now, do what you can when you can. Not just for your mum, but for you. Call or send flowers, or if you are able to visit simply be together. Whatever you can do now given restraints of time or distance, Those memories will be yours & will help see you through. The sad reality is it doesnt wait for us to be ready or catch up.
The advice for macmillan & other teams etc i echo because its exhausting , You & your family need as much emotional & medical support as you can. Please reach out & take whatevers on offer & shout out for more too.
The grieving process with this is extended because you already know now that one day, sadly, it will happen. The only comfort i had from starting grieving for 6 months prior is that i had opportunity to spend time with my mum & took nothing for granted but the grief had already started even though she was still here. Now i am grieving because she isnt here so i do feel for what you are going through. I hope you have people & help around, and i also hope this site is a help to you when you need to reach out too.
Take care of yourself as well, walks, rest, screams, cries, journals, all the usual self care things, do this for you & also to bring comfort to your mum that you are somehow “ok” as can be. X
1 Like
Thank you so much for your lovely words. I am so sorry for your losses as well. I’ve phoned around so many organisations including macmillian for counselling to help me prepare for it and afterwards but they either don’t respond or like macmillian say they can’t offer counselling for someone other then the patient. I have always said no to counselling in the past as it hasn’t helped me but I know I do need it for this and made a promise to my mum to get help as she is worried about me and how I will be after it happens. I am starting counselling sessions with mind on Monday but I am worried that they won’t be able to help with grief counselling. Xx
I found this experience similar- nothing specific i could have to help me whilst mum was poorly & other services seemed too generalised. Are you able to speak to your mums nursing team at all? Sometimes though its not like therapy it can be helpful to not only know whats happening with treatment & managing things with your mums health, but to process things, often about the journey & what to prepare & expect as things start to change. Hopefully MIND can be of help too but i get that you’d be sceptical because its not specific.
Whilst i can say its similar, this is yours & unique to you. But reach out on here too if you need to share stuff, i really do feel for you & your mum right now & would hate to think of someone, well you, out there feeling lost & overwhelmed because only you are on thisnpath right now & not sure where / what to be at, so please take care & shout out whenever you need to x
1 Like