Struggling to cope alone

[Pandaprincess]

Hi Everyone,

Simply put, I’m struggling to cope with everything alone .

My mom passed in 2021, & with she was here to help & support me, she was my safety net, she was the person who cared, she gave me hugs when I needed comfort, she spoke up for me when I couldn’t, .

Back in 2023 there were arguments with my dad about the house, he tried to bully me into moving, but because I part own it, he was unable to force me to move, I would of gladly moved if I could, I just simply have no safe way of doing so , which means I’m stuck with his alcoholism, his stroppy petulant attitude, constantly negative, critical of everything, … I don’t know how much longer I can put up with this sh*t! & Not helping, I am now perimenopausal, so my moods & hormones are all over the place, one minute I’m very excitable, next minute I’m angry & feel like everything is irritating me, like… furiously angry GRRR! Part of the problem is I’m not sure how much of this is due to my perimenopause, & how much is caused in itself by my own frustration at my situation .

I do a Tai Chi class once a week, which includes meditation, which does help, but I’m still just sooooooo sick & tired of being stuck in this house, putting up with HIM! & I feel no-one is listening, I get so depressed I have Samaritans on speed dial, & have called them sooooo many times it’s ridiculous, what’s worse is the lack of support, no-matter who I talk to, they are either very dismissive of my issues, or just ignore them, I hate this! I’ve been stuck in this situation for years now, & I just feel I have no way out! .

[tykey]

@Pandaprincess

arguments

Hi @ Pandaprincess, really sorry to read your story, but you are in the right place here, where we care.

The truth of the situation is that it will never change until it changes. But you can make it change, I’m not sure how. My first approach would be to get a solicitor on your side to make sure you are protected, and see if there is any legal recourse to sort out your future, so you can rebuild your life and be safe, content, and optimistic. Living alone can be good, mine is, but it takes time.
I applaud you for your Tai Chi, but I might suggest Mindfulness/Meditation might help you more (I’ve done both!). I’ll tell you why if you ask.
Otherwise, be strong, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with being a totally selfish woman ,(temporarily).

Take care.

[Pandaprincess]

Hi @tykey ,

Thanks for your kind words. I agree, nothing will change until something does, , but you give sound advice, I have previously been in contact with a solicitor, so I’ve got all the info on my legal position for now, & even spoken to housing options, & citizens advice, & as much as I don’t like it there’s nothing more I can do at the point.

I have also done mindful meditation, it is very helpful, when I’m stressed I really should do it more often. There’s a really good one I was taught called “floating leaves”, you imagine sitting under a tree, near a stream, as thoughts come into your mind, you put it on a leaf, & watch it float away down the stream. There is also another similar one with passing clouds , they’re good because they help me to detach from my thoughts, even if it’s just for a little while. Do you have a favourite meditation?

[tykey]

The Meditations I use are all the body scan types, and I do them to make my mindfulness exercises more effective. They don’t change anything, but it does reduce the endless “chatter” which used to wind me up.

One thing I’ve learned from my mindfulness practice is when things are more than I can cope with, and I really can’t change it, I usually use “radical acceptance” as a technique, to help me achieve self compassion. Not easy, but brilliant when I get it right.

[tykey]

I might mention my mindfulness isn’t targeted at clearing my mind, it’s much the opposite. Ie to be aware of my thoughts and learn to be comfortable with them.

[Peace02]

SOUNDS FAMILIAR,

Iam also going through something, (luck of freedom to access basic things,forexample: i only fetch water from community well at night,during day i can’t, i am not allowed to )

i went to churches talked to religious leaders, Christian organizations,government organizations,human rights in my country, local council 1,2,3, community Elders & I got no answers or support from any , THEY ALL IGNORED. human rights told me that they don’t want to create a situation of them vs the community & its beliefs.

Am so sorry a for your loss & all that you’re going through,Please stay encouraged believing one day it will be okay, that’s how I am living, Believing & waiting for freedom again,

BE STRONG PLEASE❤️

[Pandaprincess]

Hi @Peace02

Thank you for your words of support, & sorry to hear what your going through. My mom used to say, “everything in life is a phase,” she’s not wrong, in time, everything will change, & evolve. Looking back on past heartache, I feel it does make us stronger, in time. All we can do for now is keep moving forward.