Struggling to cope too painfully

I lost my beautiful mum to cancer last night and I am so alone and heartbroken the light has been turned off in my world completely now I just don’t know what to do we were soberly very close peas in pod our bond was so very close and strong I lived with her and stayed with her the hospice I. Lived there with her and supported her all the way but still feeling not enough the nurses tell me different but my mind is so lost confused and I’m so scared . Watching mum suffer in the last couple of weeks has been gutting words can’t describe now I have nothing to live for we lost our beloved dog only recently as world the house is so empty quiet and I have no reason to carry on can anyone else relate to this I don’t know how to make it through . Tray

Hello Tray, I am so sorry that your beloved mother passed away last night. From what you have said today and in your earlier posts, you shared a wonderful bond with her, so I’m afraid it is going to be really hard for you to make sense of what has happened.
It sounds as if you couldn’t possibly have done more for her, during her illness - staying at the hospice as you did and watching her fade away. Now it is time for you to start thinking about yourself - you should be very proud of the love and care you have shown to your Mum. She would now want you to start caring for yourself. The next few days and weeks will probably go by in a blur, but please take your time. You will gradually be able to find comfort from the many memories you shared with such a lovely lady.
I am thinking of you, with kind regards, Jackie

Thank you so much for your reply it means such a lot have you been through similar? I don’t know if you have any other posts and I’m getting used to how the site works not easy on a very tired grief mind!! I’m not really sure how to care for myself or what to do as I feel so low and confused and full of pain and anger my mum was only 60 and such a beautifully soul and spent her life caring for others very I’ll we both did that together we had planned Togo on holidays together after we lost our beloved dog as there was no tiers but then she got too I’ll quickly so it kills me we mum never got these times she so wanted and deserved . It’s so cruel life isn’t fair . Thank you for your reply as I do fell so very alone. Thankyou

Hi Tray, I replied on the other thread but I’ll paste my reply here too:

Tray I am so, so sorry to hear about your mum, I didn’t see your other post - I have just looked it up now. I am devastated for you. Even though I have been through the very experience you are going through right now, I still have no words to express just how sorry I am and how unreal and horrendous and overwhelming this all is for you. It cannot be put into words. You will feel strange and scared, of course - your world has shifted on its axis for now. I will just say that whatever you are feeling, don’t fight it, don’t question it, just acknowledge what you are feeling, and let yourself feel it - it is all completely normal. Keep anything close that gives you even the smallest bit of comfort - a cup of tea, a hot water bottle, blanket, TV, this forum, anything at all that can keep you warm and calm, even if just briefly. It sounds trivial, but these little things really helped me through the initial stages when my mum passed away. I will also say try and keep up your daily routines - e.g. I found making sure I showered and washed my hair, brushed my teeth, put my make up on every day, as I have done every day for the last many years, kept that tiny bit of normality where everything else came crashing down, and it truly helped me. I am now 5 months on, so quite a way ahead of where you are at right now, so I hope that in sharing my experience it might help you even the slightest bit. Ask whatever you want - any questions you have, I hope I can help, and don’t fear upsetting me - it helps to talk. Do you have anyone around you right now who is helping you through? Love Louise xxx

To add to this, I understand your devastation with the loss of your dog too - that was another family member, and you are grieving for your dog too. Such a hard time for you. I know you can’t believe it right now, but I promise you, you will get through it, but it will take time xxx