Struggling to cope with death of my precious mum

Hi everyone.

Thought I would try this forum for support as I’m not getting it elsewhere just now…

A little about me I’m a single mum to my son Lukas and 3 years ago i moved bck in with my mum, suppose to be to find work but, ended up leaving work and caring for my mum.

My mum had been ill for a couple of years and had copd, rheumatoid arthritis and heart failure…we were told this year she was palliative care but, I never expected it to ever happen to my beautiful mum quite so soon.

She sadly passed away on the 19th of August and I’m left with all this rage and hurt and can’t stop crying!

I think I’m shock still and it’s slowly hitting me that I’ll never see again which is literally breaking my heart.

I went to the GP and was told to exercise and eat better…not the best advice whenn you’re feeling lonely, low and have zero energy!

I guess I’m just asking what has helped people to get back to some sort of normality? I feel like I’m going insane and have breakdowns when the wee ones in bed or when he’s at his dads. I’m just not coping well at all.

And, to top it off I keep picturing my mum in agony as she spent her last few hours in pain. I just don’t know what to do.

Sorry I rambled on a bit there.

Darling firstly sorry for your loss
I lost my mum 1 year ago and only now has the grief kicked in
I’m now living in her home so I know exactly how you feel
Every morning when you wake it’s like taking another bullet
It’s easier said then done I know but you need to try and keep busy
I force myself to go for small walks each day just to move. The lack of energy grief causes is terrible
The breakdowns you feel are normal too I go thru them each day, feeling numb distant in a dream almost
What helps me is just take each hour as it comes, and nap as much as you can your body needs to heal
I’m here to support you x x x

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Hi Claire,

I am so sorry for your loss.

I lost my Mum after looking after her for 4 years following a huge stroke. It’ll be a year at the end of the month.

Everything you are feeling sounds exactly like I was. I obsessed about the discomfort Mum was in especially in her last moments. I still have a video on my phone, although I don’t look at it now.

Very slowly, I am crying less and without realising it, I smile more than cry when I think about her, even laugh out loud sometimes when I remember something funny (does make me look nuts but heyho).

There is no rule book. It does hurt, almost physically. Your Dr sounds awful. You do need support, to be able to talk and have someone listen and a cuddle.

Not going to give you any platitudes, I don’t have any. Will be here for you if you want though. x

Hi Claire
The rage, hurt, zero energy are all normal, you are still in very early days. I too lived in the same house as my mum, she passed a year ago. I found that I was ok out of the house at work but struggled at home where my mum should have been.

Replaying the last moments does get less as the months go on. I can still suddenly find myself back in those moments, but not everyday now.

If you are tired I think you should just rest as much as you need to as bereavement is eexhausting, again this does start to get better but it takes quite a while.

Keep posting, we are all here