My older brother committed suicide in February 2016 at only 29 years young. I am finding it really difficult to cope, i have so many questions that will never be answered. I don’t feel myself anymore.
My brother was an alcoholic and suffered with anxiety and depression, this played a major part in his suicide. I keep thinking I could have done more to help him, In some ways I blame myself for what happened. I keep thinking if I hadn’t have met my girlfriend I would have had more time for him. Any help will be much appreciated, thank you. Connor
Hi Connor,
I’m part of the community team here. I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your brother. It must have been a massive shock for you.
Guilt is a normal and painful response to grief. Unfortunately, many people here in this community report feeling regretful, but some do find comfort in knowing that they are not alone in this response.
The frustrating thing is, if you knew then what you do now, of course, we would all behave differently. Sadly, you aren’t able to predict what is to come. We can’t hold ourselves responsible for things that we weren’t aware were going to happen.
It’s also important to remember that when someone dies by suicide, it is never one person’s fault. There are no simple explanations. You say your brother suffered from anxiety and depression, could this have played a major part in his suicide, do you think?
Have you sought any further support? Cruse / Samaritans offer support groups for people bereaved by suicide:
www.facingthefuturegroups.org
If you do not live close to the groups, you might like to call the Cruse helpline as they will be able to let you know the support available in your local area: 0808 808 1677
Take care,
Kate
Hi. I too lost my brother to suicide. It will be 5 years on Saturday. He was 42. I felt guilt too. I think it is normal to feel this. I find comfort by speaking to people who have been through a similar situation, they are the only people who I feel understand xx
Hi Leah,
Welcome to the Sue Ryder Online Community. I’m so sorry to hear that you lost your brother to suicide. I read your profile and was sad to see that you feel you haven’t been able to grieve properly, but it is not too late to get support. I hope it helps a little bit to be able to share your feelings here and read other people’s experiences.
You may be interested to read this recent post from Scooby, who is approaching the first anniversary of their brother’s death: https://support.sueryder.org/community/coping-death-loved-one/nearly-one-year-my-brother-died
There is an organisation called Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide that offer a helpline (0300 111 5065) and support groups for people who have lost loved ones to suicide - perhaps you might find it helpful to get in touch with them?
Keep posting here if you find that it helps.
Thank you x
Hi mate, lost my dad to suicide back in 2013 and we knew he was depressed but never ever in a million years thought he would turn to suicide, it was the biggest shock in the world. The most important thing is that you cannot blame yourself for it, no matter how much you want too… I’m still trying to find ways to cope today and its not easy but you have to keep pushing through, I’ve found talking about it as much as I can helps a lot…