Hi, I lost my mum a few weeks ago to dementia after being diagnosed with Alzheimer’s about 13 years ago. The last 2 weeks were tough for us all and I thought I would have maybe sense of relief. Instead I feel so sad all the time and am having some extreme physical reactions to the loss…intense headaches, nausea and vomiting. It’s so hard to cope with the physical pain and emotional pain at the same time. I technically lost mum many years ago but she was still physically alive. I have been holding on to a lot of pain over this for many years and now have finally got the green light to grieve, maybe it’s just too overwhelming? The dr said it was tension headaches but the pain is real and I struggle to manage it and be a mum for my girls and a partner. I just feel like it’s never going to end
Dear JoJo I hope you find some solace here on this site where everyone understands the pain of a bereavement. There are good therapists out there that can help. I think it’s important to talk about all the pain you have been holding on to over this time. Whether by talking to your partner, friends or a counsellor there is a need to speak about it. Some people like to write a journal or posting on this site, they are all ways of working through the pain. In addition walking in nature and doing exercise have been beneficial for me.
Wishing you all the strength you will need and sending hugs Tom
Thank you for your kind words, I am trying to walk and have been swimming in the sea lots which is helping as ai am lucky to live in the coast and the weather is nice. I have a counsellor who I have talked to for a Cpl of years, but may start journalling to try and clear the head a little. I just hate the physical response to it all, I had bouts of vomiting when my mum was diagnosed and then when my sister in law died suddenly 2 years ago. My best friend also died last year and I am really missing the support of all these 3 women who would be there for me now if they were here. I do have other close friends who are helping but sometimes I just want my mummy (despite being in my 40s!) and my best friend also. It’s just a lot. Trying to take deep breaths and lean into the love of my 2 young children, but that also makes it worse sometimes as being a mum makes me more connected to my mum which seems to magnify the loss sometimes. But hanging in there
Dear JoJo you have had some hard years and you seem to be doing all the right things. My wife found it difficult to come to terms with the death of her mother and it took her a couple of years to recover. When my wife died on Christmas Day her last breath was a call to her mum. I hope they are now together.
Wishing you all the best Tom