Struggling to cope

Hi all, i last asked for your support a few months ago. It’s now just over 7 months since i lost my beautiful mum very suddenly and I’m really struggling. My Dad is very depressed, and only has me and my family to rely on. I have a 91 yr old nan who is struggling too. I just feel i can’t cope with it all. I’m trying to keep going for my family and 2 sons, i keep going to work, but nothing feels real. My husband has been amazing, but i feel so lost and alone. I still can’t believe she’s gone. I’m devastated. I don’t know how to keep going. I don’t know what I’m asking for really but don’t know how much more i can take of this grief x

Sounds like you are taking on far too much…you really must look after yourself and make time for you. I lost my Mum nearly a year ago x

Hi
Sadly I am in a similar place.
My dad died out of nowhere in his sleep! Just sucks.
My mom is so sad, up and down and all over the place.
Its been 8 months. She has been in 2 car accidents and freaked out over a dental procedure that probably would not have rattled her in the past. She has anxiety attacks most nights but she wont come and stay with us to stave off the loneliness.
I wish I had some advice. I take deep breaths before I call or hang out with her and just try to be calm and patient. Meanwhile my dad and I were very close and I am grieving too. Its very stressful.
I have tried to encourage her to get counseling to help her have an outlet that is not me or my sister so that the two of us can grieve without the added stress of being 100% emotional support. She has not taken to that idea.
We just put one foot in front of the other and see how we do from day to day.
I am sorry for your nan too - that is unbearable to think of her at 91 grieving her daughter. I have contemplated that scenario for us as well because it was entirely plausible that my dad’s mom could have outlived him. Thankfully that was not the case as she passed 10 years ago at 94. She came to me in a dream and I guess was trying to comfort me about my dad in the dream. She was very matter of fact about it in the dream and could not understand why I was so paralyzed by grief. Not really sure what these types of dreams mean.
I just keep posting here on this forum and using my imagination to play the memories as movies in my mind. Sometimes that helps. Sometimes it just makes me question how a person can be alive and do laundry and get their feet up in their favorite chair and put the tv on and then die. Its confusing.
Ell

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It certainly is confusing Ell, it is also heartbreaking, my husband died very suddenly. he hadn’t been well but I never thought that he was going to die. I found him dead on our bedroom floor. This was in the late evening, that night I sat up all night trying to take it in, it has taken 6 months for me to stop feeling numb, the shock delayed much of my grief, I am paying for it now.
I suggest that your mum is in shock at the moment, it is very hard on the children of a bereaved parent. I do understand that, you have to give yourself some “you” time. parents are too grief stricken to give support to their children and tend not to make allowances that they are bereaved too.
Take good care of yourself,
MaryL

Thanks. Does it get easier? I can’t imagine not seeing her again x

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I’m so sorry about your Mum x

I’m so sorry to hear of your loss. Yes, i know what you mean. My mum was so full of life, always positive and smiling. I don’t know anyone who has her outlook on life and i just miss her with all my heart. Sometimes i think I’m ok and then i break down again. I wouldn’t wish this on anybody :broken_heart:

Hi Mary
I know we are in this together.
I am sorry about Stan.
Thank you for your thoughtfulness.
Ell

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Hi MLM
If you want to talk about it - what happened to your mom?
The world has a charm / an atmosphere if you will that is uniquely your experience and forged in part by your parents. Its intangible but you know that it is there. Like I know that my dad on a warm day is driving in his car enjoying the top down. I dont have to be there to know it. It has a feel, a smell, a way about it that defines life - our lives.
How are we supposed to redefine everything that we ever knew? Can our brains do that?
Ell

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That’s hard to answer as everyone is different, I just hear my Mum all the time saying things she said to me, I have lots of memories and I hope one day I will meet all my family again in this place called Heaven xx

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Thank you Ell for your kind words, today hasn’t been too bad, on reflection. I am very sorry for your loss, it really is agony, I am convinced that we shall meet again when the time is right.
Take care,
Mary x x x

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