I lost my dad 7 years ago and have looked after my mum ever since. Initially she was very independent but over the last 18 months was more dependant on me. She had a stroke in December and was in hospital for 3 months following complications from the stroke. She passed away in February.
Initially i coped quite well, as i’m the eldest of 3 it fell to me to do all the sorting out and i suppose having things to do kept me busy so i didn’t think too much on what had happened. I had bad days when the slightest thing set me off in floods of tears but on the whole i coped.
Now we are clearing her bungalow and i’m really struggling. I’m in tears a lot of the time, i don’t sleep very well and everything seems to be too much. I’m feeling overwhelmed by even the smallest and mundane tasks.
Why now? Why can’t i cope with normal household things ?
Hi Ellie, and welcome to the group, where we all understand. I’m not sure why you feel everything is down to you, just because you are the oldest, because it shouldnt be. She was the mother of your 2 siblings as well. Tell them how you feel.
To clear out my wife’s things (she had no siblings), her 3 best friends said “If there is anything we can do, you just have to ask”. So I did!! I said next Saturday I want to clear out all her things from the bedroom, all the clothes and cosmetics etc etc. So they turned up all together, I supplied loads of big black bags and said one pile for the tip, one for charity, and a bag for each of you to keep what you want. Afterwards I realised I should have played my Queen records at high volume, but forgot. I did the tip and charity runs. In two hours it was all done, no tears (at least we kept them all in), we talked about her and the happy memories we had, and we smiled a lot!! Very cathartic. Then we had lunch, lots of hugs, and went off and probably had a few quiet tears, but we were doing that anyway.
A problem shared etc etc…
Battle on, because it does get better, how long depends on us as individuals and how positive we choose to be.
Your still in the early stages of grief. So it’s going to be raw. Being in the bungalow maybe set off memories. It’s a big thing losing a parent, lost my mum in November last year. And even now I’m still finding it hard to do day to day tasks.
That is how grief affects us at first you can feel numb due to the shock and as time goes on that wears off and things come to the surface, I’m living day by day by just going through the motions. It’s a lot to process all you can do is take each day at time. And do what you can do.
Thanks for the replies. My siblings don’t live close so it is easier for me to do most things. I’m not very close to them so don’t feel i can open up. I don’t have any close friends and mums friends are all very elderly so no one apart from my husband to help.
So glad you had someone to help you tykey, it is hard enough without trying to do it on your own.
MarkC i’m sorry you’re still struggling, i know how you’re feeling.
I’ll keep putting one foot in front of the other and take each day as it comes.