My first post and struggling.
On 14th April 2022 my husband of 25 years went to bed at our home in Cyprus where we had lived for 14 years and the following morning I found he had died in his sleep. Dealing with the authorities over seas was a nightmare but I got through it in a haze of grief and disbelief at the suddenness of it. At 75 years old he was fit and healthy with no medical issues. We had been out to lunch by the sea the day prior and it had been a happy normal day. We loved our life abroad and continually said how lucky and grateful we were. 9 days later I received a phone call from the UK telling me my mother who was in a care home and had been suffering from Alzheimer’s for years had passed away. I have managed to cope with her passing as for the past 5 years she hadn’t known who I was and I felt relieved for her that she was no longer suffering and her end of life was peaceful. Loosing 2 loved ones so close to each other took its toll on my health and my daughter and her husband came over from the UK and persuaded me to come back to live with them and my 2 1/2 year old grandson in a village in Kent. In order to do this I had to re-home my animals that my husband and I had rescued over the years (a horse, 9 tortoises, a cat and 4 dogs) all were a big part of our lives and on vets advise, 3 of my dogs who were elderly with medical problems were put to sleep. Heart broken at all the losses and knowing I could not live in our house without my husband I returned to the UK 7 weeks ago. I
have tried to adapt to not only being back in the UK after so long but also trying to fit in with my daughter and son in laws life style. They both work and I know they are struggling with me being here. My daughter doesn’t know how to deal with someone who she is used to being strong and independent so there is no support in what I am really trying my hardest to deal with. I miss my life in Cyprus and I so wish my husband was still here. I would give anything to have him back. Don’t know how to deal with a the emotions. I feel sad and lonely all the time and don’t know how to move forward. I read the posts on this group and feel so sad that we are all going through something that we are not prepared for.
My first post and struggling.
I am very sorry for the turmoil you are experiencing.
that is a lot. life throws boulders at us. it is hard.
the one where we would give anything to GET BACK our old life, I can relate to.
I was just telling a friend I would give anything to go back 15 years to where I was then.
it is a never ending ache.
I honestly do not think you would want to be in Cyprus alone. England would be an adjustment, I have been in Kent and Athens, and I loved Greece. but without him there, I think it would be lonely. and the sweet animals neither.
I go home to my old parents house and I cry that I no longer own it. but then I wonder if I could manage living there, ( it was only yesterday!) because they are not there. it would be like ghosts.
once when my parents went back to Greenwich Village they said it was like ghosts.
it is the people that make the difference.
anyway, I am bereft in my life too. forced to move to a new city for a job leaving my hometown and friends.
I think we push ourselves emotionally to move forward. do not do that. allow it to come naturally.
@berit. Thank you for taking the time to respond. It’s so overwhelming and I struggle to understand how life has changed so unexpectedly in such a short time. I know life is never going to be the same without my husband and I just don’t know how to start to move forward. Sadly I am not getting any support from what family I have and my daughter’s attitude is that I should get over it and move on. She believes that I won’t settle in UK after being away so long and that I should go back to Cyprus. Feeling so isolated and confused. Just want my old life back.
Oh my goodness, what a lot you have had thrown at you in such a short time. My heart goes out to you. As if losing your husband so suddenly wasn’t enough, it was then your Mum, your beloved animals, your home and then moving and having to start all over again. How many of us could begin to get our heads around all this. You are a brave lady although you might not think it at the moment.
Moving in with family was a risk as they don’t always understand the trauma you are going through and expect you to revert very quickly to the person they knew before all this loss. You must be allowed to grieve for all the things you have lost and with trying to adapt to a new home and lifestyle, it is not easy. I can’t offer any advice as this is a very lonely journey we all have to take but I do hope you manage to resolve things. Please don’t lose hope or faith that one day you will find your way back to being that strong and independent lady once again. The saying that Time Heals is not altogether wrong, it does teach us to cope with our grief.
@Pattidot thank you for your kind words and encouragement. There are so many people on this group who are suffering in so many different ways that I cry for their situation as well as my own. Every day is so hard it’s difficult to focus and move forward. At 61 years old I know I have to take it slowly and do what I think my husband would have wanted me to do. I miss him so much especially as he is buried in our home village in Cyprus. I don’t know your situation but I hope you yourself are ok and managing. Kind regards Judy. x
Your story particularly affected me as I am also an animal lover and have two dogs of my own and previously owned horses and to be in your situation doesn’t bare thinking about.
I am in my third year now and I think I have gone through most of the emotions that can be possible but like you I always considered myself as a strong and independent person. Like most of the people on this forum I didn’t recognise myself, I was a stranger after losing my husband. But neither did I want to remain like this for ever. I personally found time dictated to me where I was going. What I couldn’t have considered a year ago, I can cope with now. I wanted to sell my house originally and then found that when the time came I realised that everything was familier to me. Where could I possibly run to that would make my loss any easier. Some family were no support at all, including my daughter after the first couple of months, others were. But I never wanted to rely on other people. Now I feel I have part of my independent self back again just as you will. It is a hard road with so many ups and downs but you will find your way and what you want for yourself in time. I am still tearful at times and have bad days but I consider it as part of myself now and my tribute to a great husband.
Thank you Pat. You have put into words how I feel. X
if you have a community of friends in Cyprus maybe you should be there then? where it feels like home?
or can you return to your original village in England … it is wherever you feel the most at home or have the greatest chances of feeling safe and more or less contented.
Wise words Indeed Beret. I had moaned at my husband all through our marriage that I wanted to move but this town was his birthplace and we never did move away. When he died I thought now was the time for me to leave but I couldn’t, I was glued to the place. My husbands ashes lie here, the home we shared and I knew so many people. Not big friends but aquatances and neighbours. Everything was familier. It has been said never make a decision in haste when grieving…
interesting. he must have been a Cypriot then?
if so, you seem to have cleaved to him … even in death. time will tell.
be there and maybe see your child in England and maybe one day you move back.
nothing is in cement. if your loss is recent, then be there near him. when my parents died I went to Norway with family … but I had an urge to go home because I needed to be with mom and dad … and they were dead. it was a strong feeling.
No Beret, I am not the lady who lived in Cyprus. My husband was British but he was an Islander and perhaps I also had the urge to stay near to my husbands hometown.
@berit my husband was British and so am I.
sorry I got confused!