Struggling to cope

Feelinglost · 25 January 2017 14:19

My husband died in November last year after a long battle with Cancer, although his death was expected at some point, it came quicker than anyone of us was prepared for.

I am feeling very frightened, vulnerable, lonely and very low. On top of feeling as I do there are also the other problems to cope with that are arising after his death.

I worked for my husband and on his death the business folded, I lost my job and income also. I am slowly getting there but feel guilty that I am not working, I am trying to get a job and have applied for several but its difficult as one day I feel I can face anything and the next I cant and just want to disappear.

I am also struggling to sort through my husbands affairs as a wall seems to have developed between my stepson and myself. I have tried to think about his children all through the period following my husbands death and I feel as though I am not coping well at all.

My step children are in their early twenties, it was my husbands wish that his son take over the family business on his death but he has been unable to do that as the business was classed as insolvent. So my step son decided to start up a new business in his own name, I had no access to my husbands accounts or business as his son didnt think I needed access and questioned everything I wanted to know.

I feel like im treading on egg shells around him and I also feel very intimated by him because of his size and attitude towards me.

It is hard for me to face each day at the moment without him being the way that he is.

Today he has contacted me as he couldnt gain access to his dads email account, he knew I had changed the password and said i had no rights to do that.

I told him i had to as i needed to sort his dads affairs out and felt that he was shuting me out. He told me he needed access asap so I gave him the password as I have nothing to hide and again because I felt I had to, to stop hard feelings.

Everything is such a mess, my husband made no will and I have tried to keep things
amicable but I feel I cant do right for doing wrong and it is just making me feel worse.

colin_p · 25 January 2017 18:54

Hi Feelinglost im very sorry for your loss .I understand what your going through i had some of the problems with my stepson As i told him yes youve lost your mother but ive lost my soulmate my reason i came to Sheffield from London .To me the only way (i did this ) is think of number 1 My story is a very long and painful 1 this is why i understand most of what your going through .You dont know me but you can pm me if you wish Colin

Skylark · 26 January 2017 16:57

Hi feeling lost,
So sorry to hear of your loss and your problems regarding your stepson etc,can you see a solicitor regards all this for some legal advice, as there was no will it is usually next of kin but will take some time to sort this.my husband passed in oct it was all very sudden and everything was straight forward for me although harrowing to deal with so I feel for you having this extra stress.you do have rights don’t let your stepson intimidate you.keep coming back to this sight you will find it helpful.take care.Skylark

Feelinglost · 26 January 2017 20:16

Hi Skylark,

Thank you for taking the time to respond to my post.

I too am sorry to hear of your loss, and as you say the loss is hard to cope with, without the extra stress on top.

I did speak to a Solicitor before Christmas and was advised that I had got quite a lot of rights where my husbands affairs were concerned.

I didn’t want to cause any friction so I let things just lie.

I do feel intimidated by my stepson, he is 27 and has not had the life experiences that I have. I tried again to talk to him and I think we have been moved forward a little, I have also told him that I feel frightened and intimidated by him. He seemed surprised, I told him it was how he talks to me and that past experiences have made me a nervous person that does not cope with stress very well.

I also suffer with depression and have done for years and no disrespect to my stepson, but he does not understand at all.

I just wish his dad had finished making a will and this would have all been avoided…

He also refers to me as his dads wife and wont even acknowledge my position in the family now.

I feel that my relationship with my stepson will always be strained and I have just got to accept that. It is such a shame.

After saying all this, I don’t know how losing his dad has affected him either.

Feelinglost · 26 January 2017 20:16