I lost my younger brother to cancer in November, he was only 37.
I have tried to be strong and support my kids ( who are teenagers ) , parents and my sister in law through it, but I’m now feeling like I maybe didn’t give myself any time.
I get flash backs still of the hospice , information phones calls etc and in them moments it’s like emotionally I right there still.
I have days where It’s a constant battle not to cry.
Im trying to find the person I was before and that person is no where to be seen and I know deep down it’s because I’m not that person any more.
I think I just generally feel lost and some days feel lonely even in a room of people.
People havnt known what to say so some have kept away .
This all sounds normal and similar to what I have experienced. I got grief counseling which helped me a lot and helped to normalise the way I was feeling as well as giving me coping mechanisms. I’m struggling a bit again as it’s almost the anniversary. I’m sorry for your loss.
Yes, it’s normal. I feel similar things. Some days I cry, can’t get going and think I am never going to find me again. I give myself a hard time for feeling life is pointless because I can’t find gratitude for still being here when my sister isn’t.
Like you I have parents who need my support and I also felt my grief was on hold for the first 6 months. Since then I have been ambushed by sadness and sometimes it is overwhelming, tears just rise up and out!!!
I have you in my heart and send much love x
Counselling might be really helpful and just make sure it feels right. It is important to feel a positive connection to the counsellor where you know instinctively the process feels right x x
I’m so sorry to hear about your brother…it is so difficult when your hurting so much but supporting all around …i lost my big brother nearly 5 months ago and feel like i too have supported my children.sister in law and parents ,not that i wouldn’t want to do that but it does suppress/change your own grief i think
Take care of yourself x
I lost my sister to cancer, also in a hospice. sometimes I feel so alone and I still have such vivid recall of the hospice time. It is a double edged sword - sometimes I wish I could have those last days again so she is still with us.
I find people don’t know what to say and when I dare to share sometimes people make excuses for others behavior or ignore what I have said and change the subject so I feel invisible. Sometimes the loneliness is so bad. It is reassuring to know you feel the loneliness and the disconnect from people. This is part of grief. May be because each of our experiences are so different we feel so alone yet the feeling of being alone is not so different. I hardly hear from anyone and very few of my friends, if any, have come to see me. I make the effort and go to them because I wouldn’t see anyone if I didn’t but some days I can’t leave the house. I have some understanding of what you describe and a shared sense of this being a lonely journey. I have been in touch with Cruse for counselling and am waiting for that to start. Sending love. x