Struggling to grieve

I lost my mam back in January and what a year it’s been I still have flash backs from being told that she was gone I remember every moment like it was yesterday and it breaks me. I’m only 25 and an only child I’ve really had the most horrendous year after it all happened and the funeral was done with etc I went back to work after about 6/7 weeks and I struggled but I’ve plodded through I moved in with my boyfriend and his family as I couldn’t live back at home after that while we waited for the keys to our house luckily they were so supportive. My dad on the other hand was not supportive at all never once checked to see how I was as the months went on of the passing of my mam he just thought of him self the whole time so in June this year I cut ties with him which was so hard but I couldn’t grieve for my mam as he was blocking that for me so now I’m dealing with loosing my mam suddenly and not speaking to my dad. I’ve been struggling to sleep the last few months I go to bed and as soon as my partner falls asleep I lay there and my mind just over plays I cry my self to sleep every night the pain is awful I really wouldn’t with all this on anyone. I really am considering some sort of grief counselling to help me I paint this smile on my face every day and when people ask how I am I’ll say I’m fine but in reality I’m struggling don’t even know if I’ve accepted everything that’s happened.

Hello @Michaela1997, thank you for bravely starting this thread. I am so sorry for the death of your mum. I think many of our members will relate to how you’re feeling. Your loss is still so recent and it is completely understandable you would be finding it hard to accept.

Well done on recognising that you might need some extra help right now. If you are considering counselling, Sue Ryder offer free Online Bereavement Counselling. Sessions are held via video chat with trained bereavement counsellors.

If you would prefer something face to face, Cruse also offer counselling.

Please do think about looking at those options - you deserve help and support.

Take care

Hello there @Michaela1997
Please take up the counselling offer, I am sure it will help you. Your father may even need counselling himself…he may have put his grief in a box he refuses to open. If this is the case he could have problems later, but if he will not face this and has pushed you away it has created double the weight on your shoulders. Come back and let us know how you are doing. We are all here as help and support x