I lost my mother in 2018 after being her full time carer for a year. We were initially told her condition could be cured through surgery and, although it would take a while, she would make a full recovery. I made plans and promised her lots of things we would do when she was better. Sadly, those weren’t to be.
A few days into the preparatory hospital stay, her condition got worse and she began to deteriorate. On valentines day, we were told she would die. She passed on March 5th after we’d gone home to rest. Even before i was her carer, we were very close. My dad left when I was 11 so she was both parents to me. Even though I know she’d want me to be happy, I struggle to move on even after 5 years. All I can think about is all the stuff she’ll miss, like my wedding or me having a child-I actually don’t want children now because of her absence. I miss her so much it hurts some days and I feel like the best part of me died when she did. She didn’t want a funeral due to family drama and I’ve yet to scatter her ashes due to covid then subsequent poor health, so maybe I haven’t had closure.
Despite starting a new life with my partner, I don’t feel like I’ll ever be truly happy again. Does anyone else feel like this? Do I have any hope?
I’m so sorry for your loss and for you to be struggling, it’s awful when we lose somebody so important isn’t it? Rocks us to the core! Have you tried counselling?
I’m nearly 3 months into my grief. you have been on this road much longer than I have, I have found this site has given me comfort and I’ve read so many threads where people have been helped by each other. Feels like a safe place to share with no judgement. I wanted to answer you so you know you’ve been heard and to send you compassion 
I totally understand this… I lost my mum in 2021, and I haven’t found any hope since. I feel bad for my partner as I know he just wants us to be happy, but I’m really struggling. I did find counselling helped me initially, but there are elements to the loss that nothing seems to be able to help me with. Like not saying goodbye, and not getting to fix any issues between me and my mum before she passed. We were very close, but we had a stupid fallout before she passed, and I can’t get passed the fact mum passed during it. I’m struggling with it. I do think we’ll find a path, we’ll find hope again… I do… But I think we have to be kind to ourselves too… we’ve lost our mums… mums are precious. My mum was my world.
Hi @WillOxfordshire. I am sorry for the loss of your mum. I recently lost my mum totally unexpectedly 3 weeks ago tomorrow and really struggling to come to terms with it.
I am sorry that you feel so bad about things unsaid. I just wanted to say to you that as a mum, even if I had an almighty row with any of my children - I would never for a second doubt their love for me or mine for them. Love is separate to day to day life things like crossed words. Regrets are very difficult to deal with but please take it from a mum, that I would never want my children to focus on that - I would want them to remember good things about me and different ways and traits that I have and live their life with me in their heart.
I haven’t got to the stage of being able to do any of this yet but I hope to be one day. Thinking of everyone who like me, is struggling with the loss of a loved one 
x
Thank you so much Rachel for your message. It means so much to hear you say that and I know you are right, I just wish so much that Mum and I hadn’t parted that way. We were always so close, we always had such a good relationship. Then a stupid disagreement got in the way. I wish so much I could turn back the clock and it wrecks me every day that I can’t. But I know Mum would want me to remember the good times and the love we shared. It’s just so hard. But then you know that too. I’m so sorry for your loss. Thank you again, I really appreciate your kindness.
@Comfortablynumb
Hello , im really sorry to hear you are struggling . My mum passed in 2021 and im still struggling too , i was her carer for 26 years so its been a big change in my life . I still hope i can be happy and i keep fighting on . Take care .
Love Angie x
@WillOxfordshire
Hi . I lost my mum in 2021 as well and still struggling . Im glad you have a partner you can turn to . I am single and live alone and every single day is a battle . I hope we and everyone else struggling finds our way out of this . Take care.
Love Angie x
Hi @WillOxfordshire. It is part of any close relationship with any other person in our lives to have the occasional disagreement. We are all only human. None of us know when it is our time and for me, it would not be a natural relationship, to live as though each time we see a loved one, it might be the last.
I’ve heard this said but living up to that would be such a strain your whole life.
Hopefully in time, you are able to embrace your whole relationship with your mum and not focus on that one thing - that was also, just a part of a normal healthy relationship. Mums have unconditional love for their children (for many fortunate people), it sounds as though you were one of the fortunate ones x